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New Start

Posted by wildnfree , 27 January 2014 · 178 views

I feel like I've been given a new start in a lot of areas. This semester feels like de-ja-vu. Two years ago I was in a relationship and it was 2 of my best friends semester at university. Instead of spending quality time with them before they left, I gave it to a toxic, painful relationship that left me broken and scarred.
This time, I'm in a relationship, but I'm taking things slow. I spend time with my boyfriend, but I make sure to spend time with friends, especially the 2 that will be leaving this summer. I've known them for years and don't want to miss any time with them. Plus I'm also getting involved in the community finally ^.^ Things are so so with my parents, but better than what they were. When I was in an abusive relationship, I let so much time slip away I barely saw my other friends before they left...the friendships fell apart. By our last get-together, I felt so crushed when my friends said, "We love hanging out with you, but we barely see you anymore." I was in a bad place and jealous they were moving on while I was stuck in an awful relationship and family issues. Looking back, I wish I'd taken the time to tell them how I felt and admit while I was happy for them, I was jealous of their happiness instead of hiding it. This time, I'm truly excited for my friends that are leaving now and wish them the best. I'm happy to see where my life is going b/c things are getting better. I'm actually holding it down doing 3 classes. That's not a full load, but it's good.
I'm choosing to not have sex for now, even though I'm in a relationship....I just don't think I'm in a place where I'd be comfortable having sex. Do I think my boyfriend would hurt me? No, but I need time to heal emotionally, plus I do have some thing going on physically that would make sex harder :( I'm glad I'm not putting pressure on myself to do something I might regret...plus, IDK if i want to share myself with someone I'm not married too (not saying sex within marriage would be perfect, but I've had a ton of people judge me and tell me not to "mess up" this time...)

June 2016

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