I'm feeling lost, like nothing will get better. Like I won't get better. I know that this isn't true though, it's just my depression/borderline/ptsd crap and I'm sick of it all. It's very difficult to even take my dog for a walk today. There have been times in the past three years where I've felt better and got back on track, but I always come back to this. One step forward, two steps back. I'm about to write a revised version of what happened the first time I was raped. I want to have it done before therapy on Wednesday but I've been putting it off. Part of me feels like none of this matters, there's no point in doing anything anymore, but I know that's just me minimizing. At least I'm to the point where I can point out my flawed thinking haha. It's just a strange place I'm in. I don't want to go outside, I don't want to be inside. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to self medicate, I don't want to be sober. It's all very bizzare. I'm not sure what it means. None of this makes sense.