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Putting things off

Posted by Sammyxxx , 24 October 2013 · 78 views

I need to go and see my Dr, problem is I have always had a reluctance to do this. So many times I have been over the years to no avail and I hate not getting the help or diagnosis I need to get better. At least now I finally have a diagnosis of PTSD that makes sense of all the other symptoms I have had for years. I haven't left my house since Sunday, had intended calling on Monday but didn't and haven't since. I had some kind of memory flashback over the weekend and I think I had a small bit of memory regarding being abused by a Dr when I was young, perhaps this explains my fear of them. I had thought I was aware of all my abusers but perhaps not.

I will try and call in the morning as I need to go.

been listening to this same song by the Cranberries for a while now, it kind of feels like a conversation with oneself;

"Ridiculous Thoughts"

Twister, oh, does anyone see through you?
You're a twister, oh, an animal.
But you're so happy, now. I didn't go along with you,
So happy now, na na na na.

But you're gonna have to hold on. You're gonna have to hold on,
You're gonna have to hold on, hold on, hold on.

Or we're gonna have to move on, We're gonna have to move on,
Or we're gonna have to move on, move on, move on.

I feel alright and I cried so hard, The ridiculous thoughts, oh.
I feel alright, alright, alright, alright.

Twister, oh, I shouldn't have trusted in you.
Twister, oh, a na na na. It's not gonna happen, no.
You're not gonna make fun of me,
Happen now, na na na na.

But you're gonna have to hold on. You're gonna have to hold on,
You're gonna have to hold on, hold on, hold on.

Or we're gonna have to move on, We're gonna have to move on,
Or we're gonna have to move on, move on, move on.

I feel alright and I cried so hard, The ridiculous thoughts, oh.
I feel alright, alright, alright... Ah, I should have lied,
But I cried so hard, The ridiculous thoughts, ah.
I should have lied, have lied, have lied, have lied.
But you're gonna have to hold on.

You're gonna have to hold on, [X 7]
Well, you're gonna have to hold on. You're gonna have to hold on,
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold.
Well, you're gonna have to hold on,
You're gonna have to hold on,
To me...



July 2014

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