Suffice to say I trust too easily. I will never stop being ashamed of this.
Not him. He was wonderful and supportive and I do believe we've cleared everything up now. And he's going to try and leave his feelings behind. Not sure how I feel about this. Thought it was what I wanted. Now I just feel like I'm watching a good thing walk away, when I'm terrified of him walking any closer. No win situation. At least he wins from this one.
Still, the point being I triggered while I was telling him. I'm pretty sure that my reaction, my 'trigger' as everyone calls it here, just results in emptiness and cold and shaking. No flashbacks, no emotional pain, no sickness, just a feeling of the world blurring, my body and conscious mind moving separate to the rest of me, heavy and unresponsive. Cold, unemotional logic while my entire body shakes uncontrollably. It's not a nice feeling, but it's not particularly horrible. It just feels like nothing. The only alarming thing is how hard I shake.
Congratulations on another excellent defence mechanism, body. When are you ever going to let me feel these emotions?