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Mixed emotions and bye bye 20s

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 18 January 2014 · 75 views

Farewell 20s in the next two hours. U were so full of ups and down, happiness and sadness. I learnt so much, i met wonderful people, i had my beautiful daughter and will always love her beautiful father, but know we just have to be friends now.

I have a lovely partner but its not ideal as he's so far away and I'm scared to get close to anyone.

In many ways u were happy times but the memories and flashbacks ruined the happy times. How dare u rapist (**** ***) come back and haunt me.

Sadly there were bad times too as I had people take advantage of my vulnerability, either they did that on purpose or they never understood. S many nasty comments were made and they hurt deeper than they should have but I can't change what hurts me can I?!! I'm trying so hard to work out why and the constant thinking and obsessing is killing me.

How dare those that were supposedly close to me ruin the happy times and plunge me back I to the darkness where he was!

What I hate u for,dear 20s is the fact that u opened the door in the late stages to let trauma through that happened when i was so young and now it's killing me and preventing me from being happy.

I know I won't feel the same as I enter the next decade as u are only a few hurts off and reality Is I will only be a few hours older it just sounds different.

But please god, maybe not tomorrow or the day after or even next year, let me by the time I approach my 40th birthday feel that I am healed and equal and a real woman.

And where there are snippets of happiness please god don't let anyone stand in the way. Please let me embrace them.



July 2014

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.