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The Wonderland Years


and now i'm worried. well fuk. from: sept. 4, 2015.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 24 March 2016 · 56 views

'so the last thing evan said before hanging up was ‘i’m done’. and when he’s said that in the past he’s meant w/ everything. 
so i’ve called him. i’ve texted him and told him to please call or text. i’ve told him that although i can’t make him i also know they’re close and to tell his mom...


so evan i. from: sept. 4, 2015. [evan being 'ca guy']

Posted by lilyvanilla , 24 March 2016 · 30 views

'we’re still better but. he spiked out today and i dont’ completely get why. he.........it was bigger than usual. he started out by talking about. no well i called him after he’d called me and hung up. and then so when i called him he said ‘you must know that i’m on camera’ and then hung up. he has this thing about peop...


evan & i.again. [evan = 'ca guy']. from: sept. 4, 2015

Posted by lilyvanilla , 24 March 2016 · 27 views

'we’re better. um. after sending him angry texts last night [wed.]. well we talked about some things. and um. i asked him if i deserve to be defended. and he said i do. which is one of the things i wanted. i also asked him. if i’m making too much of the amber situation and he said ‘yes and no
. but i only wanted him to say no. there a...


it's been 10 yrs. kar - her. from: sept. 3, 2015. elusions to SU.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 24 March 2016 · 27 views

'or it will be tom. since a friend of mine um left. us. um and though iit’s still sad and always will be i’m at a better place w/ this . i talked to my dr. about it and she helped. although now that i’m at that place i feel weird. and like empty. and i don’t like that.
anyway. so here’s what i’m getting at: if you ev...


i need to. from: sept. 3, 2015

Posted by lilyvanilla , 24 March 2016 · 22 views

'get out of my situato. except i can’t bc it’s not in my  control.to . i don’t want to put w/ amber anymore and i don’t want to give her a chance or any more time to hurt me. more than she already has. and if it were in my control i wouldn’t. probably. maybe. which is what the meeting’s about. well one thing the...


evan & i. [evan = 'ca guy']. contains swearing. from: sept. 3, 2015

Posted by lilyvanilla , 23 March 2016 · 62 views

'yes more on this. um. i’m at odds w/ him bc he’s not giving me exactly what i want. which is to. 1: agree w. me 2: tell me fuking verbatim that i don’t deserve to be treated this way. i’m referring to the amber situation. and that i’m not making too much of it. unless he things i am in which case. don’t say anything....


and i'm backing out again. update on the amber thing. from: sept. 3, 2015.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 23 March 2016 · 66 views

if you have questions about this entry please ask.
'so sometime soon steph, jenn, amber, alex, nick, my mom and i are all going to have a meeting about this ebt thing. and nick wants me to say how i feel. which i mean is reasonable. but thing is. i probably won’t if steph and jenn are there. steph seems to be under the impression that i...


so..........evan stuff. evan = ca guy. from: aug. 31, 2015.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 23 March 2016 · 52 views

again, evan being 'ca guy'.
'so last night at 10; 20 evan calls. he apologises for what happened earlier. he said something that he’d been mean or something. again my memory sucks so i get confused as to what went on. and up untill that point i was confused. we only talked for less than 5 mins.
so this is what i texted him: ‘i.i don...


shifting the blame. on rape. might *T* contains swearing. from: aug. 31, 2015

Posted by lilyvanilla , 23 March 2016 · 65 views

'ya know. i was reading a reply to a post on a message board i’m a part of. have been a part of it for almost 10 yrs. anyway. and it said something about how when people who are raped blame ourselves then we have some control over what happened. but i didn’t at all. once he pushed me into it the control was on him. i actually  couldn...


i wish i understood. evan stuff. evan being 'ca guy'. from: aug. 31, 2015

Posted by lilyvanilla , 23 March 2016 · 59 views

again. evan = ca guy.
'‘so evan spiked out again. somewhat at me. i love him but my god.........if there was one thing i could change it would be that. like i don’t mind if he does it. solong as i don’t have to hear about it that’s the part i don’t like.
yeah so we were on the phone and he’s saying how everyon...

July 2016

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