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regarding last entry: more thoughts on my former friend. *E*

Posted by lilyvanilla , 26 September 2013 · 78 views

I don't know if I'm supposed to feel angry or shocked or happy.

She was so pretty. so pretty. not that that, equates happiness always. no of course not.

This brings up a lot of issues for me.

If I could say something to her it'd be 'i'm sorry' and esp. that she apparently hurt that much.

I didn't even.......I mean it's not like I knew when I was 11 [yes I was 11 in 5th grade whereas most aren't] that this would happen nor did I have the mental capacity to fully understand it. even if I'd known.

I just feel, idinno. like I should've done. something* even if I didn't know. [oh good more guilt].

And I mean it's not just this [no never is]. this reminds me of Sage's. um. 'leaving' and my own.........personal thing.

And of course the guilt is tied to the most recent r*pe. and also to what happened when I was little. which isn't something I ever talk about. like, ever. E*

and so yeah.

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