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Hospi*e, grandparents, family history thingy and breakups. *Potential TW*

Posted by lilyvanilla , 11 September 2013 · 60 views

Right, so. last Jan. my dad's mom Carol went into hospice. she's 88 evidently. she had ber 88th July 23rd.

We haven't always had the best relationship. When I was little we were close. But when I was little she was nice to me.

And then I went away to school and then my sister did. um. [When I was 15 I went to boarding school in Vermont for 2 yrs. which didn't work out. And when I was 19 I went to college in FL. for. like. 2 yrs]. So either way during that time I didn't see my grandparents that often.

Anyway. 3 years ago when I was 23 Carol became not v. nice. And we discovered she was an alcoh**ic. When I was little she always had a dr*nk in her hand but I don't think I was old enough to really understand what that meant. It was just always a part of who she was.

Right so due to her not being nice I stopped seeing her. [also. I've never told anyone this but there's a river right by where she lived. And were I to take the bus to her place I'd be near the river. and I don't like rivers. or creeks. they trigger me. But I love all other forms of water].

Even though I don't like her I love her and I have so much compassion for her. bc she's an alc*h**ic. as am I. yeah addiction's hard.

I guess now she's nice. And it's not even so much I don't see her bc it reminds me she wasn't nice. which well ok it does. It's more that it's so hard seeing her like this. and yeah I'll probably regret that but that's my call to make.

I haven't seen her in awhile.


So, she was born in 1925 in Missouri where she met her ex husband. she doesn't have any siblings. I don't remember when she moved to CO. she divorced her ex 43? yrs ago got married like, 3, 4 5? yrs ago to a wonderful guy. No and not that her ex wasn't nice he was. he was. quiet not all that verbal.

Carol taught ballet for 40 yrs. She has 3 kids, my dad and his 2 siblings.

Um so yeah. *E*
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Part 2: Breakups


So. yeah. Heartbreak sucks. I was w/ my ex for a year and 2 months. As mentioned. We met at the bar. When I fall I hard and I fall fast. That applies to him.

He's from FL. he just turned 29 on Aug. 9th. Um. his dad's from North Carolina his mom Nadine from Jersey. he has 8? siblings 2 [Anna and Abigail] whom he doesn't talk to and hasn't in years at least one's in FL. one of them had a bay last spring. he's the next oldest his sister Patrice is 30. and Esther's the youngest at 11. she'll be 12 this Halloween.

I don't like Patrice and she doesn't like me. she's hard to figure out. like she's not.um. mean she's just unreasonable. My faves of his siblings are Esther and Josiah. Naomi's cool [another one of his siblings]. they're a fun crazy bunch. but a lot. Nadine's 50. er no wait she's 51 that's right. her birthday was last month. his dad passed 10 yrs. ago but it's actually better that way since they didn't get on.at all. and that's putting it mildly.

Right, so my ex. His thing was being funny......he didn't take things seriously which bothered me. And he didn't have a mental disorder and so I felt like I didn't relate to him as well as I would've his brother Josiah. My ex is an extrovert whereas I'm.not. he wasn't always good to me [no in fact he threatened to r*pe me once. and he. um. once said I was 'a vindictive little b***......' you get the idea. these 2 incidents were seperate]. And his opinion of the 2nd SA was I should 'just get over it'. Ok that's not exactly something you 'get over'. Come to terms with, yes. But that's just my opinion.

We met Dec. 2 which we later decided was our anni. um. At the time I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. And I'm still not. [We met when I was 24 - right since I just turned 26 last month - and he was 27]. The 2nd SA had happened a few days after my 23rd. I didn't fully realise what exactly *had* happened until a year after. Which is actually why I started going to karaoke. which no one knows. Bc even though I wasn't ready to tell people I was like. I will not be quiet about this. Somehow I'm going to make noise. So I did. Musically. [for those who don't know I love music. as much as I love sleep].

So Dec. 2nd almost 2 yrs ago a band that became one of my faves, Synthetic, was playing at the bar. My ex and his former friend were there. My ex and I really hit it off. yeah we were pretty serious. [turns out one of the guys in the band's a manager of the bar. they have 2].

So, as said. When my ex and I met I wasn't ready to be w/ someone. I didn't know how to articulate that at the time. I don't regret being w/ him [although when we broke up he misunderstood what I'd told him and thought this. I hadn't correctly explained to him what I meant so therefore he *would've*. misunderstood.this] No what I *regret* is I didn't have time. It'd been a year and....... 4 months since the 2nd SA. which happened Aug. 25th when I was 23. as said.

Um so. When I met my ex he was at first living w/ Josiah. which I preferred bc he -Josiah I mean - was never at their place so therefore I didn't have to talk to him. thing was apparently Josiah wasn't that financially responsible. and so he moved back in w/ Nadine and my ex moved in w/ Patrice. who, as said. is unreasonable and hard to figure out. I didn't like that plan and neither did my ex.

So, after. my ex moved in w/ his neighbor Max. they're both in their 20's. Max's girl Jazmin just turned.........20 I think. her birthday's in August. they're nice people and supercool. their 2nd ann. is coming up. or maybe they already had it. they've had their moments as have my ex and I. Max is sweet and Jazmin is. loud. [wow I never thought I'd spend this much time thinking about my ex. but here we are]. They're both extroverts which, as stated. I'm not. so whenever we went to their place they always wanted me to do stuff w/ them. which I didn't grow up w/. I mean I know you go visit your friends to, you know. *visit* them. We'd play cards....um. the guys would play video games.

Since we broke up I don't have to do that anymore. or maybe psychologically I was always hoping that would happen [which ok I was] so I wouldn't be expected to do stuff w/ Max and Jazmin. [and as usual once again everything goes my way bc my ex and I broke up and as just gone over, it means I don't have to. uuhm. yeah].

The other thing about my ex was he always had to put in his 2cents. about everything. always give his opinion whether you cared or not [like I should talk about not caring]. No one knows about the verb*l ab**e. well except for my friend Evan but he only knows about the threatening to r**e me part not the other part. actually my parents and sister and her ex Leo know about that though it wasn't my choice to tell them. damnit. [if it had been I wouuldn't've].

I'd told my mom that my ex and I'd met at a show downtown. well ok we'd met at a show just not downtown. Over the summer she found out we'd met at the bar. again, not my choice.

My ex and I saw each other on the weekends. last [was it last? I don't remember. might've been] April only 4 months in I wanted to break up w/ him. And so we did for like, 24 hrs. he told me he'd give me a month to decide but the longer we waited the more it was going to be his decision and not mine. it gave me time to reconsider. that wasn't a good day.

Ok so for the last 2 months of our relationship, after Dec. 2nd [we spent our 6 month and 1 yr together] to.like.um. Jan. 2nd I barely saw him. his car got towed so I gave him 2 weeks. But even after that I had no idea where he was or what had gone on. other than the fact that he clearly wasn't at my place. yeah I wasn't happy w/ this plan.

And then, about 4 - 6 days before Valentine's Day [really. you're going to break up w/ someone right before?...........wow] we broke up. bc he wasn't going to have time for me, being that he was working and wanted to go back to school. yes he did the right thing but it still sucks.

Obviously there's a lot more but that's the basic outline.



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