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triggered/scared into silence/shouldn't have to live like this/seen and not heard

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 June 2013 · 104 views

So now I'm triggered. Again. By my sister's yelling which led to me being scared. yeah believe it or not yelling triggers me. big surprise there. It's been awhile since I was actually. like. yelled at like this when someone was literally in my face yelling.

See my sister apparently doesn't like the fact that after my laundry's done I put it on the floor [as I don't like it when things hang down it bothers me. and it's too hot to use the dryer]. And so my mom and I were talking about this last night and I told her I'd try [well I mean you either do something or you don't do something] to put my clothes on the line.

Yeah but there's nothing she'll - my sister that is - do. And it's like I'm being controlled by that. [like I should talk about not holding up my end of things]. It's like she's going 'oh well I'm going to control you by telling you what to do'. yeah well when I've been eff*** abused I didn't have control. Another trigger.

I don't wish what'd happened to me had happened to her. oh god no. I just wish her more understanding and I don't know when she'll get that.

I shouldn't have to live like this. As I'm currently living w/ my mom and so's my sister. And they won't let me live elsewheres. I shouldn't have to live w/ this fear.

*So I'm to be seen and not heard is that it? So I'm going to be controlled by that? that's...........wow. I just sent women's lib back however many years. wow thanks really.



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