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The Wonderland Years


So I've emailed my ex. *TW for talk of r*pe*. from: Sept. 24.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 September 2013 · 119 views

So I've recently emailed my ex. when we were together he verbally abused me twice, once threatening to r*pe me after I'd taken my anger out on him. [which in my mind makes him just as bad as the r**ist himself]. When he did that I told him something along the lines of if he does that again I *would* tell someone. [which he didn't and maybe tha...


a lesson in compassion. from: Sept. 25

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 September 2013 · 100 views

So recently - yesterday, actually - my mom and I met this lady Patti. She seemed really sweet but sad. too apologetic. [the lady is staying w/ an Ethopian lady who I'll be staying w/ while my parents are overseas]. Patti mentioned a few people didn't like her and I can see why, she's sad. And not the warmest person. and has health issues. whic...


time to say goodbye. on letting go. about a friend. really didn't/don't want to do this. from: Sept. 25.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 September 2013 · 112 views


So a few minutes ago I phoned a good friend and left a voicemail telling him I think it's better if we don't call each other. I explained why, stating that I don't think talking to him is productive or helpful and that I needed to do this for me, for my recovery. from various things.

He'll understand. it'll be hard and weird fo...


art volunteer thingy. oh and painting class. yes more good news. from: Sept. 27

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 September 2013 · 102 views

So yesterday my mentor [Jessica] and I went to this Art From The Nation thing. Thursday is our day to get together. It was really cool. It's basically volunteering without the interview process. Basically what you do is you paint inside the outline of a bird on a canvas bag. Once you're done you fill the bag w/ school supplies and give it to a coo...


yes there *is* hope in the world. kitties and babies [have you heard the good news?] yay! from Sept. 27

Posted by lilyvanilla , 29 September 2013 · 104 views

So, a few weeks after my best friend Sage had left us, my other best friend takes me to Sage's house [actually I was their neighbor and had been to the house prior] and shows me the kittens that one of their [oh 'they' being Sage, his uncle Bob, his mom Muriel and sister Cathy] cats Jingles just had. They were so small. They've probably go...


so here's what's new in the life of 'the super awesome miss lovely'/well *I*. had an interesting day.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 27 September 2013 · 113 views

Well *I*. had an interesting day. I um.......what the hell did I do today? I went somewhere....... [yes it was *that* interesting]. to the place...where they have stuff [in the words of my mom. as opposed to all the other places where they don't? er, the store......?]. I did...that one thing... Uh but yeah no, I had my art class. So when I woke up I...


so wow my dad sucks. not invited to wedding. and it's his fault I was r*ped [er, indirectly]. *Could T*

Posted by lilyvanilla , 26 September 2013 · 104 views

So, in other news. This.

[and no I'm not getting married].

So usually we - my parents, sister and I - all have dinner together. but tonight my dad wasn't there. which was actually really nice. So we started talking about him. I told them both [so much for not ever telling my sister anything personal ever again. but that's another ballpark] t...


lucky. best. time. regret. [once again. regarding prior entry]

Posted by lilyvanilla , 26 September 2013 · 100 views

Um so.

My friend was lucky to have a friend like me regardless of the amount of time we had. or, didn't have. As anyone would be/was/is.

I mean I'm sweet, charming, lovely, compassionate. and so on.

The best thing I could've done for her *was* be her friend. not that that's. always a great comfort or much of one.


'i'm sorry', 'thank you' and 'what the he**'. again, regarding prior entry.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 26 September 2013 · 100 views

So I guess I do know how I feel. I just. um. don't want to. feel it.

Again I just have so much compassion for her. my friend. Like wow. she was a beautiful girl. as in, wow you deserve so much better than this bc of how beautiful you are.

And she was a nice person. not the warmest or sweetest or loveliest but nice. when, again, so many weren't....


regarding last entry: more thoughts on my former friend. *E*

Posted by lilyvanilla , 26 September 2013 · 108 views

I don't know if I'm supposed to feel angry or shocked or happy.

She was so pretty. so pretty. not that that, equates happiness always. no of course not.

This brings up a lot of issues for me.

If I could say something to her it'd be 'i'm sorry' and esp. that she apparently hurt that much.

I didn't even.......I mean it's...

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