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The Wonderland Years


um. so i did it. from: july 9

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 July 2016 · 17 views

' um. so i did it. [no not that]. No so last night when evan calls [well actually he calls twice] I told him we didn’t need to fight that’s not what i want. that. i’d been thinking a lot about this. and told him my decision and that i can’t do this. and we’d been here before..........but just so he knows at the end of th...


um. evan stuff. from: june 27

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 July 2016 · 10 views

' cause i can’t think of a better title.
so, again. copied from my fb: ‘um. if a friend of mine isn’t someone i can at least introduce to my friend Mark and be ok w/ it then.apparently i’m not sure about that person. [i mean the other person not Mark. no i’m ok w/ Mark]. ‘
and the other person beig evan. yeah...


'i don't care how much you love him' - evan. from: june 20

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 July 2016 · 10 views

' i was reading online [well that’s still reading. and actually i was reading fanfic if you must know though not my own. and on that note hey again if anyone wants to read my fanfic please note me and let me know thank you. um anyway] yes so i was reading fanfic and it made me think. and.........
well copied from my fb:
‘i was think...


it was nice/remember everything. from: june 8

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 July 2016 · 10 views

'yeah so in the entry i referenced in my previous entry. well the one entitled ‘think it’s time/not a big crier’ i put ‘and I cry when I have panic attacks [cause those things are pretty damn scary] [i had the one the other day actually the 25th which was last wed. evan i were on the phone and he got agitated over like a legitimate...


all children grow up

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 June 2016 · 42 views

' ‘all children except one grow up. wendy knew this at 2 yrs. old’.
yeah ya know that’s true. and at some point everyone moves on. [this is regarding the whole evan thing btw]. '


other things about that summer.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 June 2016 · 20 views

' this, goes along w/ my last entry about the summer i turned 18. i remember........eating pasta. well microwaving it and then eating it as i don’t cook. which is what i............well that’s what i ate as i just said but this refers to........ ‘I do remember that eating was the only thing that killed the pain and i presume i mean/...


ali and the milkshakes. rape correlation.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 19 June 2016 · 18 views

' so the summer i turned 18 i met this chick Ali.from an online message group email thingy i think. god that was a long time ago. anyway the friendship didn’t last long. we hit it off. we’d email back and forth. she was cool. she’d been hurt.........sexually as well i seem to attract those type of people. She didn’t live w/ he...


my part in all this.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 07 June 2016 · 43 views

'  um wow. i. well his love wasn’t enough. 
i.......i should’ve been more patient. i don’t know that there are v. many things in this world that we shouldn’t take responsibility for. or i guess. sure we all could’ve made better choices but that doesn’t mean we deserve what happened to us.
i should’...


of course i'm doing 'well'!

Posted by lilyvanilla , 07 June 2016 · 34 views

' ‘of course i’m doing ‘well’ w/ this! that’s cause it hasn’t happened yet! it hasn’t become real. yeah but even when things do they’re still.not real. ‘
yeah i know that from my own experience w/ Pat..........leaving. it still doesn’t seem real.  '



Posted by lilyvanilla , 06 June 2016 · 26 views

'  no not the actual thing.
‘ya know that feeling when? you forgot your keys/phone/wallet/w/e that kindof ‘naked’ feeling? yeah that’s how i am. i miss his presence. and it’s starting to drive me crazy that i haven’t talked to him about this yet. idk if it will be better when we do/have it’ll just b...

July 2016

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