Maybe I'll drop the search for a therapist and focus on trying to get my manuscript to my writing group by March 1st.
As i wrote earlier, I have a close friend whom I confided in back in October about the severe depression I was experiencing. We were having dinner and i was so sad I started crying in the restaurant. She was supportive at the time, but after that dinner disappeared--I haven't seen her in four months. I feel quite betrayed and am sorry I ever confided in her and made myself vulnerable to her.
Anyway, yesterday was my birthday and she sent me a light text wishing me happy birthday, saying she misses me and hopes I'm well. I was so angry when I got the text that I could feel the physical sensations in my body. I was about to go to the gym since I was meeting a friend for my birthday dinner but I sat down immediately and wrote her an email expressing my anger and telling her how much her behavior hurt me. When I took a meditation class, they talked about the difference between assertive and aggressive communication. When you are assertive, you use "I" messages and focus on your own feelings. When you are aggressive, you use "you" messages and attack the other person. So even though I was so angry I made sure I used "I" messages and focused on how I was feeling.
I sent the email and am glad I did it. I haven't heard from her and may never hear from her again. But I feel pleased that I expressed my anger. It was just very triggering for me to reveal so much vulnerability to someone and have them respond by disappearing without even an explanation. She is definitely the worst friend I've ever had. Which I guess means that I am fortunate--my friendships in the past have been much stronger and more supportive.