Whenever I emerge from a severe depressive episode, I feel overwhelmed because I've let so many things slide for months. I've also gone months without making any major decisions. It's hard to break things down into small steps and come up with a plan for getting back on track.
I considered going to visit my sister again, but I decided to take a vacation by myself at the beach instead. That will give me a chance to clear my head, regroup and visualize where I want to be. And then set goals and plan out my year.
The connections with friends lately have felt very nourishing--I was feeling very alone in NYC and feel much better now. I still haven't heard from my closest friend in NYC and I feel betrayed by her. Still, if there are friends who want to be around me and who nurture me with their presence, why worry about someone who makes me feel rejected?
I haven't seen my boyfriend either since I returned. One of the things I wanted to decided during my solo retreat at the beach is if I want to end to that relationship. I'm still confused about my feelings for him and feel the need to reground.
The severity of this depressive episode really frightened me. The Celexa has been making me sleepy during the day, but it's such a relief to feel okay that I don't mind.