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bluebutterfly's Blog


returning home

Posted by bluebutterfly , 26 December 2013 · 145 views

I'm returning home tomorrow morning.  The depression has mostly lifted and I'm feeling much more like myself.  I met twice with my sister's therapist and she was really helpful.  In the first session, I told her I was a survivor of child sexual abuse and she shared with me that she was also a survivor.  Perhaps not everyone would like...


transformational breath work

Posted by bluebutterfly , 23 December 2013 · 196 views

I'm doing better.  The turning point was Saturday--my sister took me to her massage therapist for a transformational breath work session.  I was skeptical but I actually did feel very different after the session--I felt like myself for the first time since May.  I don't feel like I'm out of the woods yet, but I do feel the worst of the depr...


visiting sister

Posted by bluebutterfly , 20 December 2013 · 138 views

I'm visiting my sister for the holidays.  I hoped it would help, though so far I've still been terribly depressed.  I've been on Celexa now for over six weeks and managed to get the dose up to 15mg.  It's hard to believe that as recently as May I was not only depression-free but actually happy.  And I wasn't on antidepressants either....


still battling depression

Posted by bluebutterfly , 08 December 2013 · 218 views

I did make it to the gym and out to dinner with my friends Friday, despite how depressed I was feeling.  And both the workout and meeting my friends did lift my spirits.  However, I've spent most of the weekend in my apartment.  
Going to try again tomorrow to make it to the gym.  Also, my prescription for liquid Celexa will fin...


climbing mountains

Posted by bluebutterfly , 06 December 2013 · 143 views

It's nearly 2pm and I still haven't been able to get out of bed.  I got up, made a cup of tea, and then got right back into bed.  My plan today was to go to the gym and then meet friends for dinner tonight.  That seems the equivalent of climbing several high mountains right now.  
I did go to the gym and meet a friend for dinner...


Celexa a second time

Posted by bluebutterfly , 04 December 2013 · 276 views

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow--after four weeks on Celexa, I still feel terrible. I don't understand what's going on--it was pretty effective before.  I wish I'd never gone off of it--now being stable and having a reasonably normal life sounds like an impossible dream.  Even though I had that only a few months ago.  The Celexa is making me...


back on antidepressants

Posted by bluebutterfly , 30 November 2013 · 233 views

I haven't written in months.  I went back on antidepressants three and a half weeks ago--the depression got worse in October and became so severe that I realized I needed to get help.  I felt very defeated that I wasn't able to get off the medication.  I was doing so well last January and had made so many positive lifestyle changes that I f...


working on getting back to fiction writing

Posted by bluebutterfly , 07 July 2013 · 106 views

I've been working lately with setting manageable goals so that I can slowly ease myself out of this depressive episode. Trying to remember that what is routine on a good day will be very difficult now, and I have to set bite size, reasonable goals.

I've decided I'm ready to take on a bigger goal--getting back to writing. I am a writer but...


more insight into my relapse

Posted by bluebutterfly , 05 July 2013 · 172 views

I'm feeling better again today. My mood has been more up and down lately, which is a positive sign since a couple of weeks ago it was all down. I made it to the gym yesterday and also accomplished the small goals I'd set for the day. Getting myself into my workout clothes and out of my home was the hardest part--once I was at the gym I felt bet...


stupid depression

Posted by bluebutterfly , 04 July 2013 · 174 views

Having another terrible morning. I'd set for myself the goal of going to the gym this morning but I just can't get up the motivation. Maybe too big a goal?

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