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bluebutterfly's Blog


decision made

Posted by bluebutterfly , 10 April 2014 · 117 views

So I've been reflecting for the last couple of days….and have decided that yes, I want to talk directly about the abuse with my therapist.  I do need to revisit the trauma.  When I made that decision, I felt better.  Like I've been fighting and fighting for months and getting pulled deeper into a black pit.  And all my efforts to...


one month in therapy

Posted by bluebutterfly , 08 April 2014 · 106 views

Very rough few days.  It's been very up and down since I last posted three weeks ago.  I've been in therapy now for a month.  Overall I am better but sometimes the severe depression hits with all the same unbearable intensity, accompanied by intense dark and destructive thoughts.  I'm beginning to see a link though between the most sev...


taking more steps forward

Posted by bluebutterfly , 12 March 2014 · 76 views

It's been two weeks since I've started therapy and I'm hopeful that I'm emerging from the severe depression.  My mood has been much better over all, though I've had some bad days.  My therapist helped me understand that a bad day doesn't mean I'm relapsing--I suppose I slip into black/white thinking.  I'm trying to be more nuanced.  ...


new therapist

Posted by bluebutterfly , 27 February 2014 · 113 views

I had my first session with a new therapist today and I am happy to say that she was great.  I was comfortable right away talking to her, which I did not feel with the first therapist I tried.  I'm feeling motivation for the first time in a while--we agreed that my goal before I see her again next week would be to send my manuscript to my writin...


another relapse

Posted by bluebutterfly , 23 February 2014 · 140 views

I've relapsed badly with the depression.  Am really struggling.  Still trying to find a therapist, since the first one I tried was so awful.  I have several referrals--I read the information online and then chose one who seemed like a good fit.  On the Psychology Today finder, her profile says that she responds faster to email so I sen...


feeling better

Posted by bluebutterfly , 29 January 2014 · 140 views

I'm doing better….the Celexa is finally working.  Also I've been connecting socially more and that's helped a lot.  I met with some of my writer friends on Sunday and we're going to form a small workshopping group, which I'm really happy about.  Through the severe depression of the last few months, I haven't been writing and feel like...


new therapist didn't work out

Posted by bluebutterfly , 15 January 2014 · 137 views

So I saw the new therapist and did not like her--so I'm going to have to continue looking.  My sister's therapist was just so great and I felt so comfortable and cared for right away.  
I think the point where I really shut down when I was talking to the new therapist was when she asked me how I was sleeping.  I told her that I slept fine,...


depression and friendship

Posted by bluebutterfly , 14 January 2014 · 168 views

Been struggling again with depression--it's really up and down.  I'm going to meet with a therapist that was recommended to me tomorrow.  When I talked to my sister tonight she suggested I return to stay with her again if I'm slipping back into the depression.  I've been considering it--I know that I was severely depressed when I left home...


trying to stay on track

Posted by bluebutterfly , 04 January 2014 · 155 views

Still doing my best to stay focused and take care of myself now that I'm back home.  The social isolation is the biggest challenge for me--I haven't seen anyone since I returned a week ago.  Still, my mood is okay--I've gone to the gym every day except for yesterday and it's definitely helping.  I meditate every morning and also do a breath...


easing back into life at home

Posted by bluebutterfly , 28 December 2013 · 134 views

Back home.  I feel pretty alone back here--I became very socially isolated in the months that I was depressed.  I knew that my first two weeks back home would be the hardest--once the holidays are over I can make an appointment with the new therapist and also start the process of reconnecting with people.  I'm not contacting my boyfriend--I...

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