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Troubles with abuser

Posted by blueboots21 , 23 June 2013 · 230 views

For those who have read "my story", which I titled 2 1/2 years, you would know that the one who abused me was my adopted father. Of course being so close in relation to him makes moving on difficult. For awhile I didn't write him or answer the phone when he called. He would ask me to pick up the phone in his letters to me and one day I did. Well, he started to piss me off. Tried to get inside my head and mess with me so I told him, in letters, that I needed a break. He bugged my little brother and mom pulled the plug on his calls to my brother because he didn't need that. Well, at first he would give mom shit about us not talking to him. But, then he started talking to my mom in a more pleasant manner. This morning she got off the phone with him the first time...I heard crying. So, I went and tried to comfort her. She told me how he had never been so honest with her as he had been these last couple days. That he was trying so hard to get better and that she truly believed that he had a sickness, but like he had told her, he might never get better. She wants him better. "Maybe not for the family and maybe not even for me. But, for him and his soul", she told me. She said that she doesn't believe that he will get better without knowing that he has a family behind him. Us. How can I bring myself to be "his friend" after everything he did. "My story" title is wrong. My pain didn't end with his arrest. It's still going. I'm still being tortured by not knowing what to do..with him, myself, and my family..

I personally believe it is NEVER the job of a victim to be the one to carry the weight of helping an abuser on their journey. There are professionals out there to work with him, and to see how deep his issues are. One of the hardest steps in healing for me was setting boundaries with my family. I would be worried about the harm my soul would endure if I was pushed into the role of helping my abuser. IF, and I mean IF you ever decide to grace him with understanding, that should be on your time, or at your pace, but even then that doesn't mean you would need to be an active supporter. I'm really sad that you have been ask to put yourself in this position. I do so hope you have someone in your life to help you move through this phase. If I could wish anything for you, I would hope you do what is healthiest for YOU!
Jun 23 2013 03:06 PM
I just don't know what to do. I kept quite for my mom's sake..but now it seems like she wants me to do this for him. I was happy when I was at my grandparents and away from his contact. But, when I'm home I feel like I have to hide and dodge his calls and then I'm angry because I feel like I need to do that. Everything is still so twisted and confusing. I just hate these feelings...but thank you

May 2016

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