It's like a video game for me. There is always a next level of challenge, to be stronger, to be wiser, to understand more, to grow,...........I'm addicted to my own war. It's a war that when triggered I can't let go until it's over. I can't stop the wave. I become consumed with diving as deep into my mind as a can go, coming out to hold another memory, another answer. I am my own case study. I research myself. My own experiment.
I choose this route, because any other route for me is violence. It's safer trying to understand how everything connects. Everyone's world is safer for all this hard work I'm doing. I hope someday it pays off and provides me with closure, but ultimately helps break the cycle of dysfunction in my family, or in those that may cross my path in life with the same challenges.