Jump to content



Posted by Orchid , 13 March 2014 · 65 views

Dreams hitting hard recently.  A shift is occuring, a new layer to be uncovered.  These periods are tough, but take me closer to the core of my pain.  I ride the wave of pain, embracing it, knowing I will come out stronger and wiser.  Fatigue and privacy are my biggest challenges.  Courage and perseverance I have.  I am a warrior, and often the war is a world within myself closed off behind secret doors of my mind, and gut since childhood.  I smile with knowledge of success. Let the games begin.  A new match has started and I'm pumped up for round one.  I aways win.  I always find the message my mind and body is trying to give me.  Kind of like having your teeth pulled without anesthesia, but somehow I thrive in this chaos for the time it takes to make it to the next level. 
It's like a video game for me.  There is always a next level of challenge, to be stronger, to be wiser, to understand more, to grow,...........I'm addicted to my own war.  It's a war that when triggered I can't let go until it's over.  I can't stop the wave.  I become consumed with diving as deep into my mind as a can go, coming out to hold another memory, another answer.  I am my own case study.  I research myself.  My own experiment. 
I choose this route, because any other route for me is violence.  It's safer trying to understand how everything connects.  Everyone's world is safer for all this hard work I'm doing.  I hope someday it pays off and provides me with closure, but ultimately helps break the cycle of dysfunction in my family, or in those that may cross my path in life with the same challenges.

December 2014

21 22 2324252627

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.