There are those people who are so lacking in understanding they believe there is a linear path to healing.
I want to clarify!
There is no such thing! I want to repeat what I just said. There is no such thing as linear healing. Progressing forward only at a steady pace with no lows, or drops, really isn't how healing works.
Nope it's a round about, up and down process that happens at an individual pace based upon type of abuse, support, family dynamics, generational patterns due to abuse, and many other components.
Some people like to place the process into a neat little box of steps. There is nothing little or neat about abuse, behavioral dynamics, or mental health issues from abuse.
That being said, those of us who are aware of this fact do eventually grow to a healthier place because we accept the process instead of fighting against it.....instead of trying to push ourself into a neat little box of linear steps forward.
Today after years of up's and downs, round and rounds, I can see how those motions happened for reasons. It was because in each up and down, or round and round there were things that I needed to attend to, and each time I attended to something that was bringing me down, or around and around with the same behaviors, it was only when I stopped and said, o.k. I've got to deal with this, that I truly made progress.
I'm in a round and round phase right now. They suck. Period. But I'm taking practice steps to try to learn to walk out of this circle. I'll fall down, and will get back up again. It's like a baby trying to walk. It's not graceful, and there are times when there is a fall that I'll get hurt. The point is, my goal is to learn to walk out of this circle, knowing I'll meet another one later down the road. That's o.k. because I know each up and down, round and round, truly is a progressive event. It's an event that is helping me integrate all the components of my life to become a whole person. Not a fragmented, unhealthy piece of debris left over from abuse.
It's amazing what we can uncover about ourself when we stop trying to take the short cut of a linear path, and start actually attending to the where the journey is taking us in these up and down, round and round moments. We learn ourself inside and out. We can't deny or lie to ourself by doing this. We can pretend to go through a linear motion. We can't make ourself think or believe we are better than what we are. I've done that I hundred times, but you know what? That never works. Nope you have to put in the work in the dungeons of those circles and up and downs to get a full result.
Now, I just hope I remember this a week from now when I'm the one trying to take a short cut, not wanting to look at something head on, or not wanting to feel the pain and discomfort. I need to learn there are no epidurals in this process. It's a full on natural delivery of getting to the healthiest integrated person that I can be.
My vent for the day.