I hold so much in and I never seem to let it all out. I feel strongly that all pedophiles should be tortured and shot execution style. I just feel so much anger and bitterness inside. I've seen and been through so much before I've even made it to the age of ten. I realized that I grew up too fast, Faster than desired and I can never get those days back except through my future children, that's if and only if God blesses me with them. So many children are hurt each year right under the noses of their parents if not by their parents and it's almost always kept silent or is never investigated because it's not that important when a guy feels the need to try to fuck a little girl just because he can. It's not right by any means. We're expected to forgive and simply move on, but that same abuse is the one that's forever marked on us like a crappy tattoo done in someone's garage without any discretion. I don't exactly mean to sound like I'm taking blame for what they did to me but I feel in my heart as if I could've done more to make my family realize what was going on. It makes me feel disgusted to know that I lost my virginity to my cousin and it bothers me to remember that they both were screwing me when my aunts, grandparents etc were right next door or always out. Nobody ever payed attention to how rough they were with me. No one asked me if someone was hurting me and when I came out with it all I was called a liar, simply because they're family and they're too well behaved to touch me. Am I so ugly that I cannot be touched? Were they too perfect to do something so horrendous? Was my family to ashamed to believe me? I understand the shame but that never gave them the right to deny it ever happening. Once my grandma told me in the store that i was a liar, it totally crushed me and I wanted nothing more to do with it. I was ok with denying it ever happening. It didn't matter to me anymore and it made my world crash and burn when my grandma of all people didn't believe me let alone have a chance to plead my case.