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And so she freaks out...

Posted by PandaLily , 24 June 2013 · 80 views

So I have a pdoc appt coming up and the closer it gets the more I don't want to go. I am obsessing about this stupid appointment and it's all I can think about. I have something written out to bring because I can't talk still, and I tried to be very honest, because that's the point, right?

But seriously, I am supposed to hand some complete stranger a piece of paper full of things that I don't tell anyone and actively try to hide from the world? Yeah, I'm not picturing that happening at all. What if I am just lying or exaggerating or just trying to get attention? What if I am seeing things wrong or just being stupid.

I think I would rather just pretend that nothing is wrong. Maybe it's not really bad and I am being stupid.

I think I kind of *need* to go, I mean, I know that my life is not working, has never been working and will probably never work unless I do something. I deserve better, right?

So why do I with every fiber of my being want to cancel that appointment and my T sessions and say fuck it all. So much I want to do that!!!

July 2015

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