I can feel my mood changing... and I'm scared.
I spoke these words to my SO yesterday. After a wonderful weekend and feeling so great, out of nowhere I could feel that something was changing. I don't know why yet, but I could tell that it was happening.
I am told that this is great, that it's a start. Although I was not able to identify the reason, and I was not able to prevent the fallout, I was able to see that it was coming and articulate as much. And I guess that is progress. It used to be that I had no idea my mood even changed. I believed, with conviction, that it was everyone around me who was doing something wrong or some situation that caused me justified frustration.
Honestly, it was just over 2 years ago that I started to realize that something wasn't right. That I wasn't as in control as I thought I was. That maybe there was more to my moods than just everyone around me. It was a year ago that I realized I wanted help and 6 months ago that I was, finally, able to ask for help. A couple of months ago I started being able to realize, while it was happening, that my mood was out of control.
So when I want to minimize that sentence and say that's it's no big deal, it's what anyone should be able to do... To criticize or in some other way belittle myself, I will try, instead to be proud and happy that I was able to do that. To see it for what it really is, another small step of progress on what it seems will be a very long journey.