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GettingBetter's Blog


And so she freaks out...

Posted by PandaLily , 24 June 2013 · 89 views

So I have a pdoc appt coming up and the closer it gets the more I don't want to go. I am obsessing about this stupid appointment and it's all I can think about. I have something written out to bring because I can't talk still, and I tried to be very honest, because that's the point, right?

But seriously, I am supposed to hand some comple...



Posted by PandaLily , 21 June 2013 · 88 views

I see that there is no fire in you, no fucking motivation at all. What good is it that you are nice to me if you can't help to do that things that have to be done. Okay, you had some rough times, I get that. Trust me, I do. But I don't understand that you can't fucking worry enough to take care of important things. Am I supposed to do everythi...


It's not just about me...

Posted by PandaLily , 21 June 2013 · 59 views

I get caught up in my head so much, all the time really. Worried about what's wrong with me, what happened to me, the things that I have done wrong in life. I forget sometimes, I lose sight, of the people around me. People who depend on me and some who love me and they have lives and worries and burdens and joys that they need to share with me. What a...


2.5 Years

Posted by PandaLily , in My Story 20 June 2013 · 114 views

I know that it is possible that the CSA so many years earlier paved the way for this story to be possible, but it is so hard sometimes, so hard all of the time, to be kind to myself.


He opened the door and he smiled at me. This man 10 years my senior when I was just a girl of...


I can feel my mood changing... and I'm scared.

Posted by PandaLily , 18 June 2013 · 103 views

"I can feel my mood changing... and I'm scared."

I spoke these words to my SO yesterday. After a wonderful weekend and feeling so great, out of nowhere I could feel that something was changing. I don't know why yet, but I could tell that it was happening.

I am told that this is great, that it's a start. Although I was not able to id...


The trouble with touch

Posted by PandaLily , 17 June 2013 · 106 views

I am with a very good man who I have known for 8 years, we have dated multiple times in those years and we seem to always be pulled back together. We have been living together for 2 years now. Two years that he describes as the most volatile and chaotic relationship in his life and I describe as the most stable and healthy in mine.

Often in the morning,...


A Wonderful Kind of Morning

Posted by PandaLily , 15 June 2013 · 73 views

I woke up today with a smile on my face. I love mornings like that because I know that chances are it means a good day lies ahead. As we got up and got ready to go to work I was struck by the beauty in everyday moments. Moments filled with wonderful ordinary things, like fogged mirrors with smiles drawn on them and steaming cups of coffee with buttered to...


Awkward Conversation

Posted by PandaLily , 13 June 2013 · 67 views

My OH just had a talk with me about my disordered eating habits. He is concerned about how often I have been purging, which I love him for his concern and he is very kind in talking about it, but I'd rather not talk about it or think about it at all.

I know that it is out of concern that he mentions it, but I don't know where to go with that. I...


A place that feels like home

Posted by PandaLily , 10 June 2013 · 51 views

My son draws houses. If you look through his drawing book there are pages and pages of houses. Simple houses with two windows and a door and a chimney that blows smoke. Sometimes there is a trampoline in the yard, sometimes there is a barn. Usually there are trees and sunshine and grass and flowers. The colors change. The size, the shape and features arou...


If you were healed, what would be different?

Posted by PandaLily , 06 June 2013 · 143 views

I read this questions somewhere, and it's making me think. It's a good question, because I think I need to understand what it is that I am looking for, what I need to have in my life, in order to feel whole.

If I were healed I would be able to feel and accept all of my emotions. Not running from them or being overwhelmed by them, but accepting th...

June 2013


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