Faith and Fear
Honestly, I see other survivors today and get scared. I do not want to be a victim forever. I do not want the abuse to stop me from being who God has destined me to be. I do not want to be that person hiding from life, wanting to take my own life daily, medicating to function, self harming to exist, and verbally assaulting my self with the words that were used to break me.
I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, college graduate, Christian, friend etc. Sometimes victims forget all the other titles we hold. The titles that make life worth it. I love being a mother to two beautiful teenagers, I love being in love with a great man who loves me unconditionally. I have a small group of dear friends and extended family who care about me. My faith in God has gotten me through many a dark days and nights. I have to and do believe that we are all here for a higher purpose whether you believe in God or not. My faith reminds me I am more than the abuse. I am stronger then the abuse. It is not the end of my life's story.
Not bragging or saying it is easy, IT IS NOT. Daily I have flashbacks, I keep a safe distance between me and people, tears are shed every week, and almost every day I have to convince myself that life is worth living. With all this, it is a struggle to go from victim to survivor to just me living a very uncommon life. A life not being controlled by shame or fear.