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tamjohn70's Blog


Tired and over thinking

Posted by tamjohn70 , 29 May 2013 · 82 views

last night I did not get any sleep. Spent too much time thinking, on twitter and 1/2 watching tv. Today I am going to see my T and show her a few things I have written. I think it is time for me to go forward and let her push in my therpay sessions. She has been waiting for me to let her know when I was ready.

I am at the point where I need to start b...


stuck confusion tired

Posted by tamjohn70 , 22 May 2013 · 115 views

I am feeling stuck right now. Don't know if I should go to the left or right. I am not going to reach out anymore to people. I am discovering that as much as the few who know about me say they want to be supportive or be there they really cannot handle it. I am not upset with them I just wish people would stop saying what is "politically correct...


One Day at a Time

Posted by tamjohn70 , 16 May 2013 · 110 views

Life for me is one day at a time. I do not know where anything is going,I am trying to hold on tight for the ride. I which I could talk more to my husband about what I am doing. The blogging and writing my story for a website. But I think I know what he will say. Why are you doing that? But I could be wrong.

Right now I do not want people censoring my t...


More Memories and Truths

Posted by tamjohn70 , 11 May 2013 · 99 views

I am now three sessions into my talking therapy. So far we have gone over my anxiety, allowing people in my personal space, allowing people to get close to me and being ok with opening up. This is my therapist’s attempt at preparing me before she starts getting deeper into my abuse. The last time we got to this point I quit, called the day before my app...


Back to the Beginning

Posted by tamjohn70 , 03 May 2013 · 118 views

When I was thirteen I remember when the memories of what my uncle had done to me for years started coming back. I was sitting on the couch in our family room watching a talk show and the topic was on molestation. While watching the show I did not know what being molested or raped was, this was 1982. My head started to spin; I got sick to my stomach and...



Posted by tamjohn70 , 03 May 2013 · 73 views

Memories are funny they come and they go, I have good ones of my childhood. Then I have ones I cannot get out of the head when I try. Right now I have too many bad memories that are constantly playing over and over again. One is of my uncle molesting me in my grandparents basement (nothing new), but in this memory there is someone else there. On this d...


Shake it Off

Posted by tamjohn70 , 03 May 2013 · 88 views

Shake it off and move on, it happened you lived. If you need someone to talk to I am here. My personal experience they really do not want to talk to you about this when you need someone to talk to, it’s not fun and it is out of habit for some to make that statement. My favorite “he did not put his penis inside you so it was not that bad”. How many of us...


Clearer head

Posted by tamjohn70 , 02 May 2013 · 78 views

My previous blog was full of tears and wanting my father's approval or him showing some sign of love. That situation took me for an unscheduled tail spin the past couple days. To thoughts of unworthiness and suicide. What is not unique it all transpired around the time I needed to write my last paper for class.

When you are told you are stupid, dumb,...

May 2013


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