Amazing Johnny Rides Off Into the Sunset
A few weeks later Amazing Johnny came to the house one evening. He told me he had to go to DC to “save his job”. I tried asking questions because he had never given any indication it was in jeopardy, but he was vague and evasive. He said he had already called his friend Mike and Mike said he could stay for two weeks. A year later Mike and I were talking and Mike made a comment that stunned me even after everything I’d been through: “Well, when Johnny called me and said you guys were separated and getting a divorce, of course I said he could stay.” So not only had Johnny lied to me about saving his job, he told our friends and colleagues in DC that we were getting divorced long before we actually were. I was horrified when I realized I was the last one that he told that our marriage was over.
I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of what he did right after telling our friends that we were getting a divorce. Amazing Johnny started to pack his red sports car (of course). He packed it awfully full for two weeks, but I figured it was stuff he needed for work. Since it was a many hour drive to DC and it was already night, I tried to convince him that he should at least wait until morning. He said he might not go to DC if I convinced him. So he gave me two choices: participate in one degrading sex act or an even more degrading one. Feeling I had no real choice, I chose what I considered the lesser of two evils. He left the next morning, and that was the last time I saw my husband before I filed for divorce. Six months later, I told him that I loathe my last memory of my husband. I said it with such venom that he seemed taken aback. Seeming unsure, Amazing Johnny paused a second before he replied “I was just trying to loosen you up.”
At this point, I felt like I was completely under water. I was far past the point of treading water or even occasionally getting to the surface to take breaths of air. I felt like I was struggling just to not sink further into the dark water of my life. But I always kept focusing up towards the light on the surface. That is how I remember that time.