Amazing Johnny the Drug Addict
I was angry at the affair, but I was so ashamed at how he was treating me. I hid it from everyone. And I had begun to fear him. Johnny began to add prescription pain killers to the mix of alcohol and Xanax. His behavior spiraled out of control. He made me jump through hoops just to control me, saying it would make him happy. He would insist I plan outings with his friends for him and then he would cancel them. His mood swings became unbearable. It was a truly chaotic existence. One day he would spend all day sobbing in bed and insist I stay in the bedroom to comfort him. If I tried to leave to go work, he would scream it meant I didn’t care about him or his happiness. The next day he would go to work as if the day before was perfectly normal. The truth is I had no idea what was really going on or what to do. It was exhausting.
Johnny convinced me that I was actually the “crazy one”, so he insisted I get a prescription for Xanax from my family doctor because “it would help me”. Needless to say, he took the prescription and then complained because the pills weren’t as strong as the ones his doctor was giving him. There was one time that we had a big fight, and he exclaimed that I was “ruining his buzz” and wasting a pill and now he had to go take more Xanax.
At this point I was so ashamed of how my husband was treating me that I further isolated myself from my friends and family and told no one about the daily abuse I suffered or his drug use. One night Johnny was feeling really good after mixing a lot of alcohol and Xanax, and he swung at me as I walked by and hit me on the hip. He laughed as he watched me fall. It hurt so bad I started to cry. The next day, I had a mark the size of a fist on my hip and I showed it to him. He dismissed me and said he didn’t hit me “that hard”.
Johnny next whim was that he needed a motorcycle to feel like a man. I had to keep talking him out of buying really expensive models. He had actually taken a motorcycle class in DC and had failed the driving test. But I had to pick my battles. And I would do anything to make my life a little more bearable at this point. When he found a used one for $2500, I agreed that he should get it. Instead of working, he would zoom around the neighborhood. It was such a relief when he was out of the house for a few hours.