Jump to content






Photo

My story part two

Posted by LikeCharlotte , in History, Childhood, Kids, My Story, Trigger 26 March 2013 · 35 views

By age 12 I was feeling things that I still don't understand. I know now that I rationalized all of it and blocked it out. I tried to find ways to get as far away from all of that (see Part one) as possible.

At that time yet another group of girls ganged up on me to attack me,in school several times. The first attack, with three girls at one time, I froze and covered my face in a ball until teachers came to help. Every day I still experienced harassment. They snickered and whispered 'slut' and would ask me why I "stick my chest out". Obviously I didn't. I was just developing fast and I couldn't hide my breasts. I tired by using sports bras that would flatten me out and by wearing layers of tops like armor.

After a second physical attack by two of the same three girls I decided to do what had worked for me in the past. I told them that I'd be happy to have a fair fight. One on one, one at a time. I also used whatever chance I could to advertise this to the other kids, just to gain some popular opinion that a fair fight is the only way anyone could win. I had long since stopped trying to convince people who hated me not to or that they were wrong. I didn't care. I managed to get enough of the kids to question the lies about me that at least I could talk to some of them from time to time.

As is always the case teachers and parents were no help and the girls had no real reason to attack me. They did it because it was a bonding point. It was popular opinion that I was a horrible slut that deserved to get beaten. That is one hell of a way to feel about yourself at 12. :angry:/>/>

I was already starting to get cold, removed and calculating. I did not have time to cope with the SA because I was continuing to be assaulted. My emotions started shutting down. I started to wear a mask. This is the first point where I can recognize some of the coping tools developing. Healthy or unhealthy, this is what I did to survive.

My mask was that of a sexually experienced girl. One who knew more than everyone else. She didn't have to take this abuse from silly little kids!. She had friends in high school (I didn't yet). She went to parties that no one else was invited to. She smoked cigarettes. She drank alcohol. She was tougher than she looked. You didn't want to mess with HER. She didn't have time for trivial child stuff anymore.

More later. Must regroup.



May 2016

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
222324 25 262728
293031    

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.