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StephEas' Blog


Strength and determination

Posted by StephEas , 24 May 2013 · 132 views

Sometimes I have these days that I suddenly feel very strong and empowered and determined, for no particular reason. I try to reach that same point on the off days, but I just donít know what triggers it.

But I guess itís good to know that there are not only things that trigger me into flashbacks, sadness and panic. But thereís also stuff that pulls me i...


Lesson I learned today

Posted by StephEas , 29 April 2013 · 119 views

Today in therapy I learned a very important lesson, something Iíd never thought about before.

Apparently I like to take responsibility for everything and everyone. I like to save other people, always put them first, and with that forget to think about me. I guess thatís a problem SA survivors very often have.

My therapist asked me why I donít take any a...


A poem by actress Pauley Perrette I relate to so much...

Posted by StephEas , 19 April 2013 · 250 views


I keep considering picking up the phone
But have become accustomed to being alone
I have the numbers in my head
But just add them all together instead

Recite the line "Hello, It's Me."
As the cord sucks down my tragedy
And spews it out on the other end
Infecting a dear neglected friend

My darkness unleashed and then it's spread



Posted by StephEas , 15 April 2013 · 98 views

I've never been triggered by an episode of Criminal Minds before, but I just watched the episode "Restoration",
and ended up wishing I hadn't.

I watch Law and Order SVU regularly and I only got triggered very few occasions, So I don't really understand
why this criminal minds episode triggered me so much. Morgan telling the team he w...


Poem - A letter to HIM

Posted by StephEas , 10 April 2013 · 138 views

I know not much about what makes good poetry or what poetry is supposed to look like, but this is something I wrote today, I have never really tried to write anything to my abuser instead of about him. Here's the result:

A letter to HIM

You thought you gave
You gave jobs
You gave money
You gave compliments
You thought you gave

But you to...


A question I didn't have an answer to

Posted by StephEas , 07 April 2013 · 92 views

Someone whom I just recently told about my sexual abuse asked me a question today that I have no idea how to answer. She asked me if it was because of my sexual abuse that I am so shy and nervous and insecure. She wanted to know where my lack of self confidence came from, but I have no idea how to answer.

How can I seperate the parts of me that were caus...


Drawing - Chaos in my head

Posted by StephEas , 29 March 2013 · 108 views



Getting help is hard.

Posted by StephEas , 28 March 2013 · 59 views

I have finally decided to go look for professional help, which is a very difficult step to begin with, but now I get overwhelmed by all of the options and money and insurrance and such.

I went to the student's psychologist's office on our campus and talked to them, but they told me that they couldn't help me.
There is a waiting list (and I on...


Self care and survivor jewelry

Posted by StephEas , 24 March 2013 · 94 views

For a very long time I have not been taking care of myself very well, I don't really know why, except that I did. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't deserve to be cared of, maybe it's because I am inside my own head too much and forget to take care of my body. I don't really know what it is, but I have made the decision that if I w...


Drawing - Chained Angel

Posted by StephEas , 15 March 2013 · 105 views

I'm not a very good artist, but very often I use drawing and painting as an outlet for my emotions, here's one I made today.


Also I don't really know how exactly to add pictures here, so if I did it wrong, please let me know how to do it differently.

July 2016


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