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A thought on OCD

14 May 2013
Posted by StephEas  

I have no control over the constant urge to control everything.

I need to let go of that control in order to gain it.

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Lesson I learned today

29 April 2013
Posted by StephEas  
Today in therapy I learned a very important lesson, something I’d never thought about before.

Apparently I like to take responsibility for everything and everyone. I like to save other people, always put them first, and with that forget to think about me. I guess that’s a problem SA survivors very often have.

My therapist asked me why I don’t...
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Posted by StephEas  
CELL

I keep considering picking up the phone
But have become accustomed to being alone
I have the numbers in my head
But just add them all together instead

Recite the line "Hello, It's Me."
As the cord sucks down my tragedy
And spews it out on the other end
Infecting a dear neglected friend

My darkness unleashed and then it's...
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Triggered

15 April 2013
Posted by StephEas  
I've never been triggered by an episode of Criminal Minds before, but I just watched the episode "Restoration",
and ended up wishing I hadn't.

I watch Law and Order SVU regularly and I only got triggered very few occasions, So I don't really understand
why this criminal minds episode triggered me so much. Morgan telling the...
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Poem - A letter to HIM

10 April 2013
Posted by StephEas  
I know not much about what makes good poetry or what poetry is supposed to look like, but this is something I wrote today, I have never really tried to write anything to my abuser instead of about him. Here's the result:

A letter to HIM

You thought you gave
You gave jobs
You gave money
You gave compliments
You...
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Posted by StephEas  
Someone whom I just recently told about my sexual abuse asked me a question today that I have no idea how to answer. She asked me if it was because of my sexual abuse that I am so shy and nervous and insecure. She wanted to know where my lack of self confidence came from, but I have no idea how to answer.

How can I seperate the parts of me that...
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Posted by StephEas  
Posted Image

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Getting help is hard.

28 March 2013
Posted by StephEas  
I have finally decided to go look for professional help, which is a very difficult step to begin with, but now I get overwhelmed by all of the options and money and insurrance and such.

I went to the student's psychologist's office on our campus and talked to them, but they told me that they couldn't help me.
There is a waiting list...
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Posted by StephEas  
For a very long time I have not been taking care of myself very well, I don't really know why, except that I did. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't deserve to be cared of, maybe it's because I am inside my own head too much and forget to take care of my body. I don't really know what it is, but I have made the decision...
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Tags: Art, Jewelry, Teal ribbon

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Drawing - Chained Angel

15 March 2013
Posted by StephEas  
I'm not a very good artist, but very often I use drawing and painting as an outlet for my emotions, here's one I made today.

Posted Image

Also I don't really know how exactly to add pictures here, so if I did it wrong, please let me know how to do it...

Tags: Drawing

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