Well I had a great 2 weeks of being at peace and somehow I thought I could conquer the world and to the back of my mind I just new it was too good to be true, something wasn't feeling right, I know that I was going to slip up somehow and revert to my dark place. Now I feel so stupid for even trying to be at peace cause its always a constant struggle day by day to not go back to that place, but lets face it, am here again over and over no matter how much times I FUCKING try to get out of this depression I always end up in the same place I started. Its like taking 2 steps forward and shit happens and am knocked back 5 steps
am just doomed to this life of misery
Had a good cry tonight, haven't cried like that in a while, I guess its good to let it out sometimes, I sat in my room today all day without eating and was triggered by clearing away some clutter and saw a huge part of my past where I started the downhill fall, even though I've achieved so much in life, it doesn't matter to me, I simply don't care I really don't FUCKING care about all this.
ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY AND NOT HAVE TO LIVE A DAY WHERE I HAVE TO LITERALLY CONVINCE MYSELF THAT LIVING IS A GOOD THING.......