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emptyness

Posted by labhra , 09 February 2013 · 28 views

everythins a blurr lately days are phaseing into 1 and i cant keep pretending everyings ok ... the fake smile the forced conversations all lies i wish i could just stop everytin an start anew,,,,,bad things happend to me when i was a child but i never thaught it would happen again.... im a grown woman wiser stronger and yet im defiled beaten and chucked in the river like rubbish by lads who laughed at my dignaty bare.. i cant face my family coz they no wots happend i cant touch nobody i can hardly embrace my children my new baby an im tryin so hard i feel like im disapearin im just empty............ i feel ashamed oww wot a fool i am to think i could walk home alone......



the thing is---- you don't have to pretend that everything is ok. you don't have to smile or force conversations with people. if you feel sad, go ahead and let yourself feel sad- even in public- that. is. ok.
i mean shit! you have a JUSTIFIABLE REASON to be sad. when i go to my college classes i don't talk to anybody if i don't want to, and i'm ok with that. other times, if i feel happy, then i'll open up and talk.
things are fuckin hard right now. don't be hard on yourself. and ESPECIALLY, PLEASE- don't blame yourself for what happened.
(i used to do this, too- so i know what it's like.) just because you were walking home alone, that doesn't make you a fool.
what those guys did to you, THEY'RE fuckin fools.
it's going to take time to get things straight and to see how strong you are. it's ok to be depressed or ashamed or to feel like your days are blurring together- all of that is part of healing.
it's gonna be ok.

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