Been feeling bit funny about work recently. I gave my heart to the job, i had nothing else. I considered the ppl i worked with like family. One by one they either left or stabbed me in the back. It hurt, it felt like i wasn't good enough to stick around for. But the ppl stabbing me in the back, treating me inappropriately was uncalled for. Then came the last straw, after years of trying to be a good friend and making sure ppls birthdays were good i only got two cards and we have 6 ppl working there. One didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I know that the group has changed several times and in the remaining member so i know im basing it on my six years to their one or two but to wish someone a happy birthday is polite if nothing else. Anyway....i had s sort of crisis of faith about my work. It used to be a family and team. Now that team has gone and i feel we all really don't gel. Everyone is so laid back there is no fire and I've given up trying to force the group to bond when all i get is stressed about the social outings and stabbed in the back for my troubles, and that was by the one i called my best friend and another i have gone out my way to help in the past. I guess over the last few months I've been asking myself if this is really what i want to do. I get stressed all the time but before the friendships were worth it. We got a manager who can finally run the shop and it turns out she actually wants to use us as a stepping stone for area manager job. When she told me i thought that im glad i removed my heart from the equation before you joined tbh. Anyway....after being stabbed in the back i have withdrawn from work, i go there, do job, go home. I have started pushing myself in other areas. I need to make a life for myself which in starting to do. I joined a mental health group and will be doing social eves with them. I am also thinking about volunteering at a animal sanctuary but getting there is an issue because of a bit of succluded road and in not sure if its,safe to use on my own or not. If i did go i guess o would be hoping id make friends, enjoy it and maybe at a push be offered a job although i know that's a long shot.
over last week i have not been enjoying work at all, i cant wait to leave every day. But im so sad, i don't engage, i don't care. But i guess im now trying to find what is the best way to be. I could continue to hate it, not enjoy it and not be emotionally involved or i can find a level of involvement which allows me to enjoy work for what it is, not get caught up in all the politics and bull and also keep mu heart well out of it. If ppl leave, fine. I have no attachment but i can have banter with them while im there to make the day go faster because in the end that good for me and that's what im aiming for. I will keep my attachments to ppl who deserve it.
i find it odd that even though i feel its difficult for me to trust i still get so hurt by ppl so easily. I don't understand that.