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EVH's Blog


silk threads

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 16 August 2013 · 130 views

every breath is hanging by a silk thread
catch it
if you can


purple shirt & white stuff

Posted by EVH , 14 August 2013 · 109 views

Sneaked out to smoke. Found a nice place to sit down and think. He sneaked out with me. We were looking at the stars. He asked me what if I could pick a star for myself, my very own star and start a new life there. What kind of place would my star be? Well, it would be a safe place. A place filled with light. No darkness. A place without pain, abuse, hema...


as soon as

Posted by EVH , 14 August 2013 · 76 views

as soon as I'm out of here and still know where I am and who I am, I'm leaving.
Not sure why I'm still here and why I haven't left yet. Missing home. Don't know where home is. My God, I miss so many people and so many things that I don't remember, but keep in my heart, it's so confusing and frustrating. And painful. I try to be...


staying calm (?)

Posted by EVH , 14 August 2013 · 71 views

hate hospital food. hate hospitals. staying calm. it's all about not freaking out. right?


the soup

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 13 August 2013 · 96 views

Hey Eve


I know you don't remember me

Not really, no, I'm sorry

Ok, let me help you remember

Oh, yeah hi Shape, you look better! much better!

Yes, I got a little stronger

That's great, I'm so glad. I'm happy for you. So you're safe? Someone's taking care of you?

Yes, I'm safe. She's safe too and much s...


One bomb deserves another

Posted by EVH , 11 August 2013 · 70 views

My docs keep dropping bombs on me. Without warning. And I'm still licking my wounds from last Friday. It's all happening way too fast for me. Can we please just slow down a little??

No. We can't.

Only a few weeks to go.


last friday night

Posted by EVH , 11 August 2013 · 70 views

Trying to recover from Friday night. Not easy at all. Trying hard anyway.

Was it another lesson from the universe?

Late nights & early mornings, night by night, day by day, running in circles. Didn't sleep last night. Sleep won't come tonight either. Trying to escape this chaos in my head. In my heart. My empty eyes scare me. The castle got...


saturday night fever

Posted by EVH , 10 August 2013 · 68 views

have a high fever. I can see white people staring at me. I can hear them talking. I'm losing my mind.


One of those days

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 09 August 2013 · 87 views

It's one of those days when the doctor tells you to stay in bed, not to move much or at all if possible. Resting in a horizontal position for hours means you have too much time to think. And too much time to feel. My hallucinations just love situations like this. It's a perfect opportunity to fuck with my head even more. Just wondering if I can ge...


I command you

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 09 August 2013 · 91 views

If you keep doing this, it will end really bad.

Oh look who's here. Was it too warm for you this time?

Can you please listen to me for a minute?

I've been listening to you for way too long. I'm not playing your games anymore.

So now you're listening to them? They tell you to do this to yourself and you just listen and do what they say?...


it's over

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 08 August 2013 · 98 views


Fuck off. Fuck you! Leave me the fuck alone. What are you staring at?

Get up please. Clean the wounds. Eve, get up.

Fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck your light. Fuck your stories. I hate you.

I know. Get up ok? Come Iíll show you something.

I donít want you to show me your shit anymore.

Itís not my shit, itís your shit.

Fuck you! You want to...


Dark prayers

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 06 August 2013 · 111 views

No! No more hallucinations. Whoever you are and whatever you want, go away! Leave me alone. Please leave me alone, I can't do this anymore.

Eve, listen to me, it's important. Here, look, I will warm you up, you're freezing. Come closer please we don't have much time.

Please don't hurt me ok?

I won't. Promise. Ok, that...



Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 05 August 2013 · 120 views

I'm losing my mind


They're here

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 04 August 2013 · 86 views

They're here. Huge dark shapes. Way worse than the old ones. Scary. Ugly. Loud. Furious. Screaming. Attacking me. They put images in my head. They make me hear voices, screams, noises. They make me cry. They make me scream. They make me crawl. They make me hurt myself. They make me want to die. That's their strategy. They want me to go with them....


It's getting cold

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 04 August 2013 · 98 views

It's getting cold. I can hear them coming. Waiting. Deap breath. It'll be ok.


When they come

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 04 August 2013 · 84 views

Hey, no more vodka, you spilled the last one. No body, no vodka. Are you ok? What's happening? Why are you so, um, faded, more transparent and why are they so close, why, wtf? Donít! Why do you let them do that, fight them away, whatís happening? Why are they so loud, make them stop please make them stop!

I canít. They are very strong. They...


When you stop believing

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 02 August 2013 · 95 views

Great, like I needed another hallucination today. Who the fuck are you?

Remember the BBQ shapes from Coles?

What are you talking about?! What do you want?

I was thinking

Oh, hallucinations can do that?

I don't know ask your hallucinations.

That's what I'm doing. daa

I'm not your hallucination, stop insulting me.

Denial. Get it....


it never gets easy

Posted by EVH , 01 August 2013 · 63 views

Having a bad day today. A really shitty one. Turns out I might have forgotten my life, but my life hasn't forgotten me. Oh it remembers me! That's why it always knows exactly when and how to hit. So just when you thought you could spend your day hiding under the bed feeling so very sorry for your-fucking-self, fighting your hallucinations and...


Painting the sky with silver lining

Posted by EVH , 01 August 2013 · 90 views

Sitting in my closet and drinking red wine that burns my mouth. I'm thinking. In my case that's quite an achievement. It has never been my strength. Thinking. I pretty much always followed my instincts. Now I can't even do that. I was sitting in the library today watching people reading, working on their assessments, studying, laughing, talkin...


We need a strategy

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 01 August 2013 · 72 views

So how was your week?

I donít know.

Ok, weíll go day by day then. How was Monday?

I donít know.


I donít know.

How about Wednesday? Yesterday.

I donít know

Yes you do. Eve I need you to focus, ok? Tell me about Monday, your big day.

I donít know.

You donít know or you donít want to talk about it? I donít expect you to tell me it was grea...

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