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EVH's Blog


Thick skin & elastic heart

Posted by EVH , 06 August 2014 · 65 views

Just sharing a song tonight. Don't know what to say. It's tough. Or maybe it's just me and my stupid head. I don't know. I just don't know anymore.


Like a ghost

Posted by EVH , 24 June 2014 · 68 views

It made me laugh today. What happened to me made me laugh. I laughed. Laughed. Laughed. And Laughed. Till I cried. Till I started to scream my soul out and throw stuff.
And tonight he called. Like a ghost from the past. Reminding me of my life that I kinda liked. A life so much easier. A life in denial. A Munich-Oktoberfest life. "Hi Schatzi, na Ma...


Déjà vu

Posted by EVH , 23 June 2014 · 64 views

I stay up late to live tonight. This is my destination, tonight. Too scared to close my eyes. It's too loud in my head again.Traffic jam of thoughts.
Wish I could stop the flashbacks. Wish I could stop the past. I wish I could stop this burning sensation in my chest.
Wow this sounds so familiar. Having a déjà vu. Again.


Where do I begin?

Posted by EVH , 23 June 2014 · 57 views

Caught up and lost in my thoughts.
Where do I begin?
The rubble or my sins?


Wide Awake

Posted by EVH , 22 June 2014 · 60 views

I'm wide awake. Losing sleep again. Trying to pick up all the pieces. So many missing. This story is not over yet. Still counting.



Posted by EVH , 21 June 2014 · 85 views

They lined up.
It was a long night.
A quick warm-up.
And then the sun came up.
And I was too busy to eat.
If you know what I mean.


Teams & Games

Posted by EVH , 21 June 2014 · 61 views

It's World Cup time again and it got me thinking. We spend our whole lives choosing teams. Germany or Brazil? The Blues or the Maroons? The Roos or the Blades? And some of us choose to play for "the other team". But it hit me today. The team doesn't matter. It's all about the game. So the question is not are you playing for the right team. The question is...


Always one

Posted by EVH , 29 May 2014 · 51 views

Have become all I lost and all I hoped for.
But I must carry on
Always one
Never broken.


everyone is tired

Posted by EVH , 26 May 2014 · 57 views

Feeling so tired today. I feel tired every day and I'm not really sure why. My mother would say something like "why are you tired? you're only 30" or "everyone is tired". I used to go through the week with only a few hours of sleep and be totally fine, always 100% there, doing whatever needed to be done, never leaving important stuff to the last minute, a...


one moment in this life

Posted by EVH , 23 May 2014 · 58 views

You only get one moment in this life to be great...Don't waste it.
Go, they can't stop you.
Heavyweight flow, if they can't lift you then they can't drop you
The pinnacle, if they can't reach you then they can't drop you
Man, they can't do anything that you're about to.

Official Video http://www.pandys.org/forum...


Standing in the flames

Posted by EVH , 06 May 2014 · 81 views

So tired today. Flashbacks, non stop. Went to work though. College tomorrow. Just want to stop thinking. About what they said. What they did. About who I am. Fire beneath my feet. But pushing through. Standing in the flames. Trying to find the light. Surviving. Because that's what we do. That's what we have to do. Everyday. Right?


Scarred life

Posted by EVH , 05 May 2014 · 105 views

Another anniversary approaching fast. Very fast. Too fast. 1 year. 12 months. 48 weeks. 336 days. 8,064 hours, 291 flashbacks. Millions of thoughts that I silenced as soon as I saw them coming. Millions of feelings that I stopped as soon as I realised they're knocking on my door. 5 litres of tears instead of blood pumped by my heart but never filling my e...


Only then can we begin to heal

Posted by EVH , 22 April 2014 · 113 views

No means NO!
"But these women truly begin to heal when their secret is revealed - to the world or their husbands or a close confidant (...) Whether consciously or not, this is reflective...


Life does not look back

Posted by EVH , 20 April 2014 · 83 views

One of the 1000000000 thoughts running through my head today:
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.”...


Read All About It

Posted by EVH , 12 April 2014 · 112 views


Show must go on

Posted by EVH , 10 April 2014 · 84 views

Trying to keep my hands busy and ignore my head. Sounds familiar. Been there done that. Sleep. Coffee. Chicken soup. Homework. Flashbacks. Sleep. Come on Eve. Show must go on. You can do it.


Bugs & Pink Unicorns

Posted by EVH , 09 April 2014 · 75 views

The only thing keeping me alive is my wife. I promised I wouldn't leave. I couldn't do it to her. Love her too much. 
Pushing through. Burning pain inside.
Bugs & Pink Unicorns. Lifesavers.


Emotional Groundhog Day

Posted by EVH , 09 April 2014 · 94 views

I'm a loser. That's who I am. That's who I've been my whole life. Haven't achieved anything. I'm 30 now. Not likely to achieve anything anymore. The persistent fear of failure still haunting me. Their voices in my head. Still so powerful. And the little girl in me still so scared. Still so lost. Paralysed. I'm not moving forward. That's what losers do. Th...


Wayne Hutchinson – Depression and Me

Posted by EVH , 08 April 2014 · 62 views

Very powerful. Worth reading!
WATERFORD GAA PLAYER Wayne Hutchinson has gone public today about his battle with depression.
Hutchinson, who has played both senior hurling and football for his county, has published a searingly honest blog post  and it is reproduced here with the author’s kind permission.
  Wayne Hu...



Posted by EVH , 07 April 2014 · 86 views



Feeling really shitty today :(


To be continued...

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