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what truly matters

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 23 August 2013 · 143 views

Had to wash some towels. Don't ask me how I did it, probably fucked it up like heating the green stuff yesterday in this white, cubical thing fuck it don't remember the name of it. Cubical? Is it cubical? It's white. Definitely. Funny white cubical thing making strange noises. Anyway. Washed the towels, in another white cubical thing, but bigger and making different noises than the other one. Hanged them out to dry and was surprised how quickly they dried in the sun. Wondering if tears can dry as fast as the towels when in the sun. Would try it out but they won't let me. Gotta go back to my little prison also known as cupboard, where tears need much longer to dry than my towels hanging outside. In the sun.

While sitting in the cupboard I try to think. Doesn't happen often to me. The thinking. I usually just sit there or here with an empty head, feeling numb. Disconnected. So, I try to think. Think of all the cubical things filling my life. White things, red things, black things. Unidentified cubical space fillers. With buttons. With no meaning. Making noise. Making no difference to my life. And then there are other things. Lying on the floor. On the table. On the couch. Surrounding me. I never use this stuff. Did I use them when I was normal? Did I really need all those things? Definitely don't need them now. Things. We need things. Don't we? To do other things. Things to look at. Things to touch. To distract ourselves. To convince ourselves that life makes sense. Things to love. Things to hate. Nice things. Ugly things. Space stealers. Time wasters. Life takers. Heart breakers. Mind numbing. Spirit crushing. Realised that with a damaged brain, with a broken soul, with a lost memory you don't need things. Look inside. On a journey of the heart there is so much to see. What do you see? When you look inside your heart what do you see? Cause at the end of the darkest day that's all there is. The essence of your soul. Touched by pure spirits. Kathleens and Shapes. That's what truly matters.

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