T always knows how to ruin my day. Grrr. Today he wanted to discuss this blog:
WTF? I mean why the fuck do we have to talk about it? When it comes to sex, firstly: I donít give shit, secondly, I DONíT GIVE A SHIT! But I didn't have the energy today to argue with T, so we talked about it.
Ok, I must admit itís an interesting blog entry. Letís see:
Every survivorís story and experience is different, but too often the assumption is that if you have been raped, you are sexually broken and forever unfixable. Ė True, I agree.
What I want to say is what I wish I had been told: rape is not a form of sex, it is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatizing. It is possible for sex to exist after rape because they are different experiences, just like itís possible for you to still enjoy going out to eat even if you got food poisoning once. You might never go back to that restaurant again, but it doesnít mean you will get food poisoning every time you go out. Ė Disagree.
Sex, also known as sexual intercourse is the insertion and thrusting of a male's penis into a female's vagina. Rape is a form of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. So yes, emotionally rape and sex are different experiences, thatís true, but physically, for me, from what I have experienced, itís the same thing. Because rape happens, or happened to me, through sex, involving full penetration, vaginal, anal, oral sex and other types of sexual activity. Rape/Sexual assault means you have sex with someone against your will, in whatever form, full penetration or not, ie. fingering is consiederd sexual act. Comparing rape to food poisoning is a huge simplification. Food poisoning will never be as traumatising as rape. So we're talking about two totally different experinces here.
Admittedly, I donít know what sex before rape is like. I lost my virginity to rape at 14. Ė Good point. I never really thought about it. But sadly I can relate to this. Only I was 15, not 14.
#4 Nobody tells you that masturbation is a healing practice and that realizing youíre capable of sexual satisfaction after rape is an incredible, powerful feeling. - Disagree
Not in my case. In my case sexual satisfaction was a part of the assault. Every time they raped me, my body/brain wasnít able to distinguish between a healthy, wanted sexual satisfaction and a forced, unwanted sexual satisfaction. I had my first orgasm when I was 15, while being brutally raped, I didnít even understand what the fuck was happening to my body and mind, I wanted to stop it but couldnít. It just happened, without me wanting it or even thinking about it. Then again and again. And even when I was older and knew more about this stuff I still couldnít stop it from happening. I was feeling guilty for years. And I still do. So no, for me, sexual satisfaction after rape, no matter if being experienced during sex or masturbation is not an incredible, powerful thing, itís a painful reminder of the trauma Iíve been through. For me rape-orgasms were traumatising. So I block it. I donít remember having a nice healthy orgasm, I donít think Iíve ever had one. And I donít think I will ever have one either. If you want to learn how to fake an orgasm, ask me, Iím an expert. And here is some news for all the guys out there thinking they know when women fake it... BAHAHA YEAH RIGHT! YOU DONíT!
#6/7/8 I donít watch romantic movies.
#9 Never experienced it, so no opinion on this one.
#10 Yep, kinda agree.
14,5 years of hiding in my little world behind a huge wall. Finally slowly learning to let someone in. Freaking scary.
#12 Thatís me.
You donít ďoweĒ anyone else your love or happiness or body. Ė Working on that.
You can be thankful and appreciative and comfortable, but if heís not ďthe one,Ē donít settle just because he treated you better than your rapist. Ė Yeah...I think I married the guy.
Hmm I've never even tried to think about my sex life or my sexuality before, always pushed these thoughts away. Donít like talking about it to my therapist. Not sure why. Maybe because heís a guy. Or maybe Itís too early to talk about it. Or maybe because Iím not sure what to say. My nephew called me a while ago. He has his first girlfriend and wanted to talk about sex. Great. Like I was the right person to talk about it. We did talk, but I felt so inadequate. If my first time was with uncle C.? Um...sure. Or what was I supposed to say? "No, with my trainer and his buddy when I was 15?!" Besides, I donít know anything about sex. I mean I do, but not the kind of sex he wanted to know about. So maybe I better start watching romantic movies, cause I have two more nephews...