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Station 2

Posted by EVH , 21 July 2013 · 44 views

Trying to book a flight. I can't decide where I want to go. My bags are already packed. So I guess nothing keeps me here anymore. The huge fight we had yesterday, I don't need this. I know I'm a shitty person, don't need to hear it over and over again. I let people way too often stick a finger in my face and tell me I'm no good. I used to fight against it. I kept telling myself it's not true. But somewhere along the line, I've changed. I believed them. They told me I'm no good and I took it on board. My self-confidence is long gone. And I'm way too tired to try and change that. I'm way too tired to change anything. I woke up after maybe 20mins of sleep and I felt this strange heaviness pressing down on me, I feel it every day and it has become unbearable. Like a reminisce of a very bad, scary dream. So I woke up and I realised, there is no way back. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. And I've accepted who I've become. Station 2, Jesus accepts his cross. This is my station 2. Today I have accepted my cross. I will carry it with deep humility and never-ending patience. And when I fall, I'll get up and keep on going, because that's what people do. They fall, get up and keep going, no matter how hard it is. This is my life now. This is who I am. I accept it. “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” So I forgive him. I forgive them. Will it help me to find my peace? Will it help me to escape the darkness? Will I ever be able to free myslef from my chains? Can I forgive myself?

Ok, so let's think. Germany sounds good. I just have to pick a city. How about Munich. I love Munich. I could fly today. Let's fly then.

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