shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit I feel like shit, I look like shit + have a huge pile of shit instead of a brain. can't even make a f*cking tea without burning my hand, can't even do normal stuff, normal things, easy things, everyday stuff or control the basic functions of my f*cking body. If there is someone in charge out there, up there, on this side or the other side, wherever I don't f*cking care just please make it stop because I'm on the f*cking edge. Someone please push me! I beg you, push me so it's all over! All I want to do is to self harm and the more I try not to the more I want to do it and it's driving me craaaaaaazy! This time I just, I don't have the strength to gather myself. I'm falling to pieces more and more every day. I don't know what to do.
T said there must be some way out. A WAY OUT? WHERE THE F*CK IS A WAY OUT OF THIS F*CKING SITUATION CAUSE I DON'T SEE IT!!!!!???? now I'm not only stupid and can't speak but I'm obviously blind too! Cause I don't see a f*cking way out! 14,5 f*ucking years and not even ONE day of being normal!! NOT EVEN 1! lessons? f*ck lessons - all of them!!! F*ck.F*ck.F*****ck!!!!!!!
There's a wall reaching up to the sky and behind the wall there is a monster. A monster made of fear and anger, pain and PTSD, tears and screams, cuts and bruises. There's a stupid, ugly, tired monster. Beware.
There's a wall. There's a monster. Kill it.