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The smile-memory

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 24 June 2013 · 44 views

Oh hi, you're here to say goodbye, aren't you?


Can you stay a little while longer? Please don't go

I can't and you know that. We agreed to this, you agreed to this. These are the consequences, you knew about it.

Can't you just make the close-your-eyes-and-let-your-mind-go thing? I will let it go this time ok? Take me with you please, don't leave me here, don't leave me like this. Please I don't know what to do

You know I can't take you with me, I explained it to you. You cannot go whenever you want. We cannot break the agerement again, I've already made an exception the other day because you were figthing it too much. You told me why you were fighting and I have brought you back. Then I did what you asked me to do and now here I am, leaving. I'm sorry. I can't stay any longer. Your light is not your light anymore and I can't protect her light. But as soon as a new one starts shining in you I'll be there, I'll come back.

Can I live without my light?

I don't know. You've been living in your darkness for a long time, but this, I don't know, even I don't know the answer. I've brought you back but I don't know for how long. You still have your few minutes every day. Hold on to it.

What about the other shapes?

Other shapes?

You said there are many shapes travelling with us, helping, protecting.

Hmm remember when your were a little girl and you had this prayer, your own little prayer, saying God and my angels I know you must be very very busy so please don't waste your time on me, be there for my family and all the people I love and care about. I'm nothing without them, my life is nothing without them. Please leave me and go and protect them always.
Now you know where your other shapes are. They are protecting your beloved ones, because you asked for it. They are far away but you can hear them whisper. They keep saying her name don't they? They tell you to follow her and trust her. They tell you there's a big sun.

Yes, they do. But I don't know what it means, I don't remember her

Stop thinking about it. Feel it in your heart. If you won't find the answer, she will.

Tell me about the angels, are they real?

Yes but they are not white with wings and stuff. No. Angels are here on earth. People are angels. Not everyone. But some of them are.

So all my shapes are far away and now you're leaving me alone too?

Alone? No. You have your very own angel.

Oh I do?

Yes, now you do. She is your friend. She's your angel. But stop pushing her away. It's ok to have a friend Eve. After all these years it's ok. Believe her. Trust her. Let her see you. Let her hear you. Let her hold you when you feel like falling apart. Let her help you heal. After all you two have been through, you have created something unbelievably beautiful and strong. You've touched each others hearts. I've never seen anything like this. Your weak little light became her strong shield protecting her day and night, and even if she doesn't know about it, even if she can't see it, she can feel it in her everyday life, when doing everyday things, when fighting her everyday battles. She said once that we're here to smooth the ride, well what you did will smooth the ride for her too. Your light is her light now, but it comes from you. She has a piece of you, a piece of your soul, with all your strength, your dreams, hopes, care and love. It's wrapped around her and her life. She is your angel and you are hers. Don't waste it, don't lose it. I know it's not easy for you and for her, to trust. But be patient. You will learn it. And I'm learning from you too, I had no idea you can do something like this with your light, your very last light. Now I know. It's beautiful and I wish you two could see it shining.

But I don't even know her, I don't remember her. I don't know whou you're talking about.

Yes you do. I will show you something, look...

Hmm I know her, she was my mst right? What does she have to do with it?

Everything. Look...

Oh my God...are you sure? Are you sure it's her? God, can I hear her voice, can you do that?

So Eve where are you from?

Do your exercises or I'll stab you with my pen

No I don't think it's all just in your head

I like your shorts

Eve you don't have to buy me presents

It looked like an anxiety attack to me

You know that one day you'll have to tell me what's going on

You're tough aren't you?

If it's something I should know just tell me

That's a very nice wedding ring

I think you should look up post traumatic stress disorder

I'm sorry you feel this way

When I ask how you're doing I mean your back

I just can't do it anymore Eve

I'm here when you want to talk

You're sitting in your little box and you don't see it

Hi mate

Talk to you soon

Do you want me to tape you today?

Oh my God, Jesus I remember, I do, I do know her. So it's her? The emails? It has been her all the time? Are you sure? My friend? I had no idea...

Please don't cry, Eve please don't, you do remember her, it's ok, she knows you do, deep in your heart you remember her.

Can I keep the memories? Please? Please don't take them away. Please let me keep them. I don't want to forget her, please...

I can let you can keep one

Thank you, God thank you so much.

Oh you chose the smile-memory, good choice. Eve don't give up on yourself. I know it's not easy without the light ans it's not easy to be alone right now, I know you're cold and scared inside. And I don't have all the answers you're looking for but if you want my advice, don't give up. Don't build a wall around yourself. Keep triggering your memory, exercise it, the more the better. You haven't lost it completely yet. Go out, meet someone you know, talk to someone, you can speak you just have to believe in yourself, or find someone who will believe in you and will help you with this. Someone you can trust, I think now you know who I'm talking about. You are not stupid. Don't isolate yourself. And try to eat something. You can do it. You have to get stronger to be ready for the next semester.
Tell your friend it was a pleasure watching her new light-shield becoming so strong and beautiful and that I loved it when she yelled at me.

Don't go, please stay

Keep talking to me, even if you can't see me, I'm still here.

Will I see you again?

Find your light. I'll be there.

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