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Crazy

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 05 June 2013 · 86 views

It has been 16 hrs. It is a nice wall I know, but maybe you look at me? How about you get up, eat, change your clothes? Are you ready to talk to me?


How about you talk to me? I am not getting better am I?


What are you talking about?


I might be cognitively f*cking challenged but I am not deaf and still understand a little German when you talk to your doctor friends. Am I getting better or not? What are the next symptoms I will have to deal with? What is the prognosis?


Well alright then, listen...

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Ok. Good. Now I can talk to you. Your prognosis and your symptoms can kiss my fat cellulite polish ass. I donít give a shit about your prognosis. I will not let your prognosis scare me. I refuse to have all these symptoms, I refuse to be depressed, I refuse to feel this pain, I refuse to have been raped so many f*cking times like it was something normal and like I deserved it, I refuse to be treated like shit and I refuse to lie in this room like a vegetable. There is a book in my bag. I want it now please. Chemistry book. I want my book.


Eve you cannot speak English, you will just get frustrated...


ThenI will learn it. I have done it before. Skills are only developed by hours and hours and hours of beating on your craft. You know what? When you got a dream you gotta protect it. Because people will tell you cannot do it. F*ck them. You want something? Go get it. Period. So donít you tell me I cannot learn English or pass my exams.


I will always encourage you when I see real chances for you to achieve something, to get somewhere, but this...


Real chances? All chances are real. As long as you are trying all chances are real, as real as this coffee stain on you mr perfect white shirt. You always wear a suit? Or are we going out, damn if I knew I would get all dressed up too and would do my hair big beauty queen style...


You have short hair


Oh Shit. Can my life get any worse?
You know what mr suit? Life ainít just sunshine and rainbows, it will beat you to your knees. But itís about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. Cowards step back and thatís not me. And I hope all my hallucinations can hear that too, wherever you are f*ckers I am not scared of you.
And even if I am going to be cognitively whatever for the rest of my life with your f*cking more or less 5-10% or f*ck me even with 0.5%, itís not all just about being smart. Being smart ain't enough. You got to have heart! No matter where you come from, no matter where you are going. It's about heart! So now Itís time to test my limits, Itís time to test my f*cking heart. Limits are an illusion.


Yes, unless you hit them like you are hitting yours now, damn hard. Calm down, stop crying, try and get some sleep.


I am going crazy arenít I?


We do not call it crazy here.


I want my life back. I want to be 14 again. I want my book. Bring me my book I have stuff to learn.


Ok and an i.v. you havenít eaten since Monday morning girl.



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