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Anyone?

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 20 May 2013 · 100 views

Ok, I need to get it out before my next T-session. I feel so overwhelmed and scared. I feel so lost in my chaos, in my little world.

I was abused by a man, who I trusted very much. I thought he was my friend even after the abuse happened. He manipulated me and I had no idea, made me do things I didn't want to do and which I forgot the next day. I don't even remember most of what happened and when I start remembering I forget it the same day again. Jesus I don't even know how to put it all in words. It's just so freaking scary and overwhelming that I don't even know what I feel and what to think about it. There are so many things I don't understand. It's like pieces of a broken glass, I try to put them all back together but I can't, i don't even know where to start. And feeling left alone with this is just so horrible. It's like you have all these thoughts and all these feelings and you don't understand, you don't understand why they are so very painful and so scary. And I don't remember. And I keep talking to someone I think was my friend, but doesn't wish me to contact her anymore, so I never send the messages, I just keep writing, keep talking, asking so many questions that are unanswered and wishing so much to get a hug again. My therapist says it will all come back to me, the memories, and then i will get all my answers, then I will be able to move forward, then I will be able to step out of the darknes, out of this cold place. Talking about it is so horribly hard and I wish someone could hold my hand through this. When the session is over I feel like falling to pieces...don't know how to deal with what came up. T says I need to be patient with myself, be gentle and take my time, take all the time I need to come to terms with it. But I don't want to take my time I want this to end now, because I don't know how to be gentle to myslef, how to be patient with myself. Having my firs meditation session tomorrow. Hope it helps. Please it must help. Can anyone hear me? Anyone?



I hear you :metoyou:

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