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Posted by EVH , 25 March 2013 · 56 views

Not sure what to write today. Besides that I have never felt that depressed before. Ever.

Listening to Brian Crain and thinking how much I miss playing piano and how much I loved it when I was a kid. How much I loved it before they hurt me.

There was a piano in his office. I remember him sitting there "time to play my little bitch". I remember this fear. Every time I went in there my heart stopped. My mind and soul left my body. I got used to the physical pain. I got used to the emotional pain. I got used to being insulted and humiliated. He made me his sex toy and I got used to it.

My body lives in the present, my mind lives in the past. And I'm falling apart. And I don't know how to rescue myself. But I have to rescue myself otherwise I'm gonna have a massive mental & emotional breakdown.

Won't close my eyes today. Scared. Alone. Trying to keep my mind and hands busy all the time. I'm exhausted...

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