Per aspera ad astra
I believed that I could change myself,that the past could be undone, but I carry on my back the burdens time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal it's the bitter taste of losing everything I've held so dear.
Can't stop the flashbacks. Stopped fighting them.
Coming to his office after school and trainings and giving him whatever he wanted. 2 or 3 times a week for almost a year. And he was never alone in his office. She was there too. Hate her. Hate myself.
Well I think this is the closest I've come to what rape trauma syndrome is defined as. one little push that's all I need. One little push and I'm gone. just like that. I'll go to the beach today to stare at the ocean and memorize it. just in case. Are there countries in heaven too? Can we choose where our souls are gonna live? Australia would be cool. It's my home. I've found my place.
Per aspera ad astra little girl. just let it go if you feel tired. It's ok to feel tired. So many years. Through all the hardships you've already reached your stars. One little push. fly little girl. or fall. well I have no wings.
12 weeks, 1 day. no sleep. my nose is bleeding again.
"Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless
and maybe I'll find some peace tonight
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here"