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Girlie, tough ain't enough

09 March 2013
Posted by EVH 

Frankie Dunn: You forgot the rule. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Keep my left up?
Frankie Dunn: No. It Is to protect yourself at all times. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Protect myself at all times.
Frankie Dunn: Good. Good.

Feel confused today. Think about running away again. Sweden. Sounds nice. I like Sweden. Always wanted to learn svenskar. Could be fun. What am I running away from? Who am I running away from? Again. And again. Can't breathe. Feel emotionally stretched. Drained.

Got totally drunk yesterday. Didn't even answer my phone when my clients called. I was angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my life. Angry at what's happening with me. So damn angry at everything and everyone. So let's get drunk. Let's be normal today. Let's be my fabulous self today.
Watched "Million Dollar Baby" (again). It always makes me think.

To make a fighter you gotta strip them down to bare wood: you can't just tell 'em to forget everything you know if you gotta make 'em forget even their bones. Make 'em so tired they only listen to you, only hear your voice, only do what you say and nothing else...till they think they're born that way.

Looks like that's exactly what I've done to myself. I've made myself so tired that I only listen to myself. I only hear my voice. But how do I know if my voice is enough. Maybe this time instead of running from the pain, like a sane person would do, I should step into it. To face it. To fight it. To free myself from it. To protect myself. Protect myself at all times.

Running away. Fighting. Running away. Fighting. Girlie, tough ain't enough


I AM your friend. Oh really, ARE you? Yeah, sure you ARE. Let's tell her I'm her friend she's so damn broken and fucked up she'll believe everything. Let's make her think she's not alone with this fucking shit. Let's give her hope there is someone out there she can turn to. Let's mess with her feelings.

Friends. Who are friends?

Are you my friend?

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