The truth scares me. Iím scared that as soon as my whole past becomes true Iíll fall apart. I wonít be able to handle this amount of pain. Tears will flood me. Flashbacks will haunt me till I go crazy. My own words....i knew it. Christ. I knew. I always know better when it's too late. Why have I let someone in? I knew exactly what happens when I tell. So why? Why have I done it to myself? Look at me now. I'm gone. Dying inside. Dying slowly and silently. Body memories. Soul memories. Memories.
It's like back then. I knew.I knew I should have moved away. he knew where I lived. he knew where I worked. He knew. i redecorated the whole apartment. cut my hear. changed my hair colour. changed myself. He said "I'll be back" and I did nothing. Haven't I learned anything? Am I really that stupid?! Jesus fucking christ. He knew me so good. He knew. He knew exactly how to hurt me. Fucking medicine student. He knew how to break my fingers very slowly and very painfully. He knew where to hit to make my blood and tears flow.He knew how and where to cut. He said it was the best anatomy class he had ever had. the whole night long. I can't handle this. I can't. please.
feel so drained. feel sick. can't stop throwing up. can't stop the headaches. flashbacks keep hitting me right and left.
This is it ladies and gentlemen. It's the final countdown. The final fall.
Stop breathing. Stop running. Stop feeling. Just stop right there.