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please.

Posted by EVH , 08 March 2013 · 26 views

PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

The truth scares me. Iím scared that as soon as my whole past becomes true Iíll fall apart. I wonít be able to handle this amount of pain. Tears will flood me. Flashbacks will haunt me till I go crazy. My own words....i knew it. Christ. I knew. I always know better when it's too late. Why have I let someone in? I knew exactly what happens when I tell. So why? Why have I done it to myself? Look at me now. I'm gone. Dying inside. Dying slowly and silently. Body memories. Soul memories. Memories.
It's like back then. I knew.I knew I should have moved away. he knew where I lived. he knew where I worked. He knew. i redecorated the whole apartment. cut my hear. changed my hair colour. changed myself. He said "I'll be back" and I did nothing. Haven't I learned anything? Am I really that stupid?! Jesus fucking christ. He knew me so good. He knew. He knew exactly how to hurt me. Fucking medicine student. He knew how to break my fingers very slowly and very painfully. He knew where to hit to make my blood and tears flow.He knew how and where to cut. He said it was the best anatomy class he had ever had. the whole night long. I can't handle this. I can't. please.

feel so drained. feel sick. can't stop throwing up. can't stop the headaches. flashbacks keep hitting me right and left.
This is it ladies and gentlemen. It's the final countdown. The final fall.

Stop breathing. Stop running. Stop feeling. Just stop right there.



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BuffaloGirl
Mar 08 2013 01:13 PM
I am shocked and hurt and sorry for your pain.Your situation is horrendous. But you are not to blame! You are the victim. Be gentle. Trust your self.
As I started to read this I thought "these could be my words". Last night was the crisis. I was swirling on the edge of the abyss. With the help of my inviolable spirit, the Universe that cradles me in the palm of its hand, I was able to look over the edge of the black hole of my past and see the truth. As I let go, felt myself falling backwards over the edge, expecting death or insanity, I found I was flying. Swinging in the loving arms of the Universe.
The memory, the truth of what was done to me is much much much worse than I feared. More physically painful than I could have imagined. But the fear is finally gone. They cannot hurt me anymore. I am grateful for the wisdom of my body. I can trust it. I lived through it. I lived through last night. I'm gonna make it. You can too.

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