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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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27 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
Today I can't even think clearly. Can barely stand up straight. Physically I feel like I'm close to a breakdown. It's been 12 weeks and 5 days and only 5hrs of sleep. I'm a wreck. I'm a mess. Cut my hand today. Thought it would help me forget. Help me get back to my false truth, to my life before the disclosure. It didn't....
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Piano

25 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
Not sure what to write today. Besides that I have never felt that depressed before. Ever.

Listening to Brian Crain and thinking how much I miss playing piano and how much I loved it when I was a kid. How much I loved it before they hurt me.

There was a piano in his office. I remember him sitting there "time to play my little bitch". I...
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Per aspera ad astra

23 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
running out of vodka. want my secrets back. all of them. now. being sober sucks.

I believed that I could change myself,that the past could be undone, but I carry on my back the burdens time always reveals. In the lonely light of morning, in the wound that would not heal it's the bitter taste of losing everything I've held so...
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12/4/23

22 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
12 weeks. 4hrs 23 min of sleep incl. nightmares and waking up all wet and scared to death. Ate a banana and a few cornflakes to have something to throw up when the flashbacks hit. Nose bleeds got worse. And the funny thing is, flashbacks cause nose bleeds and my bleeding nose triggers flashbacks. How fucked up is that??!! My hair is fallin...
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How is school Eve?

20 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
How is school Eve?

Well I don't know. Maybe coz I skipped way too much school in the last 2 weeks...I can't think, can't eat, can't get out of my bed because of headaches and flashbacks, throwing up and nose bleeds. I don't know how school is. I think it's still where it was 2 weeks ago and doin' pretty well-...
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Posted by EVH  
*TW**TW**TW**TW**TW**TW**TW*

11 weeks without sleep. Keep on getting nose bleeds. I thought I remembered everything. But there is more. So much more.

It looks like a big part of my disturbing memories has been pushed out of my conscious mind. And now it’s all coming back to me. Every day new flashbacks hit me so hard that I need to sit down or...
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Posted by EVH  
Feeling so alone right now, it's suffocating me. The air's got so thick I find it hard to breathe. And never before have I felt so desperately in need.I know that I must start listening to the voice inside of me. Find the strength, to keep on walking.

I've gotta stop my mind working overtime. It's driving me insane. It will not...
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A shoulder to lean on

16 March 2013
Posted by EVH  
10 weeks without sleep. I'm so very tired. And sad. I think I'm sad. I think I'd like to put my head on someone's shoulder just for a little while. And close my eyes. And forget the flashbacks. Forget the headache. I think I wanna cry. My eyes burn.

But no shoulder to lean on.

I think I'd like someone to be there for me....
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Posted by EVH  
*TW*

I know they say it helps. Talking about our issues. Pain shared is pain halved. They say there are people out there who know how to help us go through our messed up lives. Certified people who know how to help us fight our very private war that we seem to lose when fighting it alone. Trained people who know how to talk to us about our...
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Posted by EVH  

Frankie Dunn: You forgot the rule. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Keep my left up?
Frankie Dunn: No. It Is to protect yourself at all times. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Protect myself at all times.
Frankie Dunn: Good. Good.

Feel confused today. Think about running away again. Sweden....
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