Diary of a Survivor
My mother and father came to visit me this weekend. In the midst of my oncoming divorce and since my daughter was with her father this weekend, my parents didn't want me to spend my birthday weekend alone. It was a fine weekend, with dinner downtown, early night cocktails on Saturday and brunch at the bakery on Sunday morning. When I...
I want you to know that what you did to me was unacceptable. You spent. Long time grooming me by pretending to be my friend, my brother, even my lover. You acted as if I could trust you and that you would never hurt me. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. You isolated me from my family telling me that they could never know. You...
You said you don't miss me and your life is better now without me. My heart is still shattered from you walking out the door. I've come to believe you now that your phone calls are sparse and your pictures are happy. There's so little left of you here now. I can no longer smell you. I hardly remember your sweetness and laughter. That wil...
I was instructing an elective class at the university that I was attending for graduate school. A PhD student, lets call him Mike, signed up for my class in the Fall. He was a nice man with a lot to offer to the class in discussions, etc. He and a group of students started to approach me...
I would spend weeks in his home in the guest bedroom and at night when my sister went to bed he would get drunk and have sex with me. I still remember feeling paralyzed. But still, I would let him. I would, at times, welcome him. I still struggle with this and wondered for years if I could define this as rape. I remember telling someone once about it without the details, just that it went on for 3 years and she asked me, "can you really call that rape?" I was devastated. All that time of keeping my mouth shut, going through and abortion with his baby, losing my intimacy with my family and later every relationship I would attempt to have and she asked me if it was really rape? Damn right it was! I didn't ask to be violated, alienated and carry guilt for the rest of my life. I didn't ask to be groomed into trust at a pure age of 15 when most young women are going through their first love. I didn't ask for my first sexual encounter to be colored in shame. He is sick. Not me. I am healing. I am learning to forgive myself everyday for feeling like it was my fault or that I was the one who had to lie.
Source: Returning "willingly" to your abuser
Wiping the Mud from My Eyes16 March 2013
My Responsibilities as a Survivor: Working through the Grey Areas03 February 2013
Making Progress? Or set back?30 January 2013
Dad, I Was Raped...27 January 2013
A Letter to My Perpetrator26 January 2013