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Wither Time



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My Brother is a Rapist

Posted by Wither , 17 March 2015 · 98 views

It's been almost a week since my nephew told me of his abuse at the hands of my half-brother. I had to take some time for myself to get my bearings, let my mind slow its spinning. First i called my brother, the father of my nephew. He wouldn't talk about it. He said that he had 'been advised' to say nothing. I told him that getting a lawyer or talking to...


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Shock and Awe

Posted by Wither , 14 March 2015 · 69 views

Yesterday evening, I got a Facebook message from my nephew. He had to talk and asked if he could call. Of course I said yes, reminding him of my landline number. He had written that what he had to say would be life changing. My mind was like...how much more life changing can things get? He called, asked if I was sitting down and then poured out his heart...


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Living in a Mad World

Posted by Wither , 21 April 2014 · 102 views

Its been such a long hard road in such a mad world (thank u Michael Andrews). I have been working on re-connecting all the parts of myself. It is so hard. Sad. Angry. Yet with each connection, I see myself growing stronger and happier. I am beginning my artwork again. Just the desire to draw and paint is a victory. Its beginning slow but i know its going...


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It Happened to ME!

Posted by Wither , 19 February 2014 · 139 views

I realized something big tonite. All these years....I thought and felt like it wasn't really me that experienced these things!!! It sounds really weird, but I can almost remember the very moment I dissociated from myself in a different way. I told myself it wasn't really me!! Now tonite, after talking with other survivors, I sat trying my relaxation exerc...


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Meds and more meds!

Posted by Wither , 18 February 2014 · 84 views

So with the new psych, i am off the seroquel and weaning off the lexapro. Raised up my clonazepam a tiny bit. Started Prazosin a month ago. Now its a new med meant to help me sleep at night and be awake during the daytime. Its called Mirtazapine. Last night i took my first dose of 30mg and i was quickly very dizzy and very tired. Knocked me on my ass! But...


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She Wants Me Happy

Posted by Wither , 17 February 2014 · 116 views

My youngest daughter sat on the couch kitty-corner to the one I was lying on today. She didn't speak. As I often do, to the chagrin of my kids, I kept looking at her. I always check on my girls. This time I could see her face, which was sad, and her eyes were watery. I asked what was wrong. I had to bug her a bit coz i think she was afraid of either makin...


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Nightmares

Posted by Wither , 16 February 2014 · 116 views

Okay. So my new psych is ex-military with ptsd and really gets it. Like nobody has ever done!! I am glad to be off the seroquel....can u say ZOMBIE? And i am getting off the lexapro. Now I am taking prazosin to help with night terrors and an extra clonazepam for anxiety. My "homework" is to flip my sleep to nighttime and to drive near the city two times a...


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Habituation

Posted by Wither , 10 February 2014 · 112 views

Today i spoke with my psych. He is new and struggles with his own military ptsd. He's been through it all. He understands the night terrors, the triggers, the avoidance...everything. He also went through the 10 week habituation therapy. He said it worked and that it would work for me. But i sat there, imagining it all and I began to feel ill. Really nause...


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Needing a Reason

Posted by Wither , 28 December 2013 · 166 views

So most of the holidays have past. This year was actually a good one. It was the first year in 22 years that the anniversary of my surviving a violent abduction and rape passed me by. I never even noticed the day, October 6th. It was stunning when i realized it. And it was good. It gave me hope that maybe I was getting better, getting to a significant hea...


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Still Angry!

Posted by Wither , 31 August 2013 · 203 views

When i had my baby girls, i promised them and myself that i would never leave them, and that I would protect them. But as parents we can only do so much.
The day my first girl told me her cousin, my beloved nephew, had been molesting her, was when this overwhelming anger burst full-blown. It was so intense and powerful, I used my dissociative 'skills...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.