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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

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i wish..

24 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I so wish that i could ask for things from people...I dont want to be the "needy" type of friend. I know with trish I didnt even have to ask for anything she would just look at me and know that I needed something or hear it in my voice. This is a challenge...and I hate it!! Ive always felt that asking for something is when its an...
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feel so alone

23 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I feel so alone. I just want to be better and not have to deal with the constant nightmares,panic attacks, and flashbacks....I just want it all to end. I know this very stupid of me to say...but sometimes I feel like I have no one.I guess its just my head messing with me....but I just feel like no one cares.
I want trish back...she knew me like a...
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I just wanna cry...gahhh...

22 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
im just so sad. I miss so many people, I wish I could just be held. I wish I could be told that everything will be alright(and believe)
I just want to sit and cry all day...i dont know even what to say right now other than the fact that im sad, lonely, every emotion mixed into one. :cry:/>/>

Its so scary...I just had a flashback...im starting...
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life....

21 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I absolutley LOATH flashbacks....I could just be sitting here and all of a sudden it hits me!!!!!...makes me feel like shit. Panic attacks are just as bad.

I had the worst dream ever last night...a friend of mine had been shot and killed from the man that molested me!!!! when will this ever...
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why...

20 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
why do I do this? I know I need to let my guard down but IM TERRIFIED of men. First off being molested for 9 years ...I just dont get it! why am I so scared of the good men...Ive seen the way they are and I know they arent going to hurt me...(or maybe hope its that they wont hurt me). Why cant I let it go...and let myself build...
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Posted by bellaroo  
I've finally come to realization that trish isn't here....was I in denial?....probably!!!! I miss her so Damn much it hurts. I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn't around?...I know people would be sad, sometimes I think it should've been me instead of her....trish was such a bigger impact on so...
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fuck....

19 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
if its not one thing its another....Im so worried about bills!!! fuck fuck fuck....then my mind goes on to other things and i just cant stop it from wandering and worrying about everything!!!.....cant I just re-live my life? that would be great...i wouldnt have any pain. i wish i could just disappear!!!

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dangling....

16 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I hate being so pessimistic about things but this how my life has been...ive had one good day where I slept fantastic and but today is just absolutely awful....started at 2am with the most awful dream ive ever had, I woke up with a huge panic attack. The dream consisted of my molester strapped me into a chair and repeating everything he had done...
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FINALLLY!

15 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
SUCH A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!! I FINALLY GOT A GOOD DAY IN MONTHS. I slept great, I basically got the job I wanted. happy happy...no one talk to me so it cant be ruined!!! :yahoo:/> :yahoo:/> :yahoo:/> :yahoo:/>

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thankful

14 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I wish i could thank patti and rick for everything they do for me. I just feel like they do so much and I do so little I am so conflicted, they make my life worth while and i know thats corny or cheesy but they do. they are wonderful wonderful people <3 <3 <3

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so alone

14 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I know that im not but I feel so alone. I feel like no one understands the real effects of what my molester took did too me. Most people nod there head and agree and say that they understand....but lets be honest? no one knows unless you are a victim/survivor.


Im so tired of having the same dream over and over again my molestor is trying to...
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Her birthday

13 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  


Just so painful...its not the same without her...she was my mom...im so lost.

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Posted by bellaroo  
just soooo sad...tomorrow is the most dreadful day of all. Every year for trishs birthday I would bake a cake (better than sex cake, her favorite)...she would open the present i got her like a kid at christmas...she was just so excited. God its just awful...
I just feel so invisible, like would it matter? I feel like my opinion never matters...
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invisible

11 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
so tired of my voice not being heard. ever since i was 6 I never have been able to speak for myself..I dont want that taken away from AGAIN. I just feel invisible...would it matter...two days till trish's birthday...she wouldve been 49. She was a mother to me....I just want to live without pain.. :(/> she was everything to me and knew me...
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Gahhhh....

10 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated! life has a nasty way of shitting on people! Im so tired of everyones bullshit!!! Im tired of being tired..tired of my family. tired of everything!!!! Ive hit my maximum for all I can take..I just dont know what to do anymore. I just would like ONE single day where I can wake up...
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sad

09 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
So much constant panic. So much constant pain. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to crawl into a ball and cry and cry and cry....I'm just so sad. I wish someone could take it all away. :(/> I shouldn't have to live like this

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so so sad

08 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I'm so sad...everything is sinking in. I'm sad that I will never be able to talk to Alex again. So so so sad. I know I have support from wonderful people...but sometimes I feel so alone. I feel like the black sheep because I'm not "normal" I wish nothing like this ever happened to me. I'm mad that the fucking DA chose to...
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......

07 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
Im so lost. I dont even know how to feel. where do i even begin...Im at my breaking point and I just dont know what to do anymore or how anyone can help me, which makes me feel worse because I want to feel happy and I want to have someone help me...I just dont know anymore.. I hate when someone asks me "how can I help you?" when all I...
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so lost

06 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
:bawling:/> :cry:/> :confused:/>

my friend of 15 years committed suicide, I am so lost at what to do. My sister heard about it and text me to see if I was okay, im sure she thought that I was dead because i was napping and she said "please respond to me, so i know your okay" I do feel like doing it, but i guess that wouldnt make too many...
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gahhhhhh

05 January 2013
Posted by bellaroo  
I wish that this was easier...Every day is just a constant reminder. I sit and think...my mind just goes crazy thinking of all the things that has happended. Its soo hard to see the good in life when im constantly bombarded with SHIT!...I get upset that right now nothing can be done- I feel like its a losing cause. I told basically to see him...
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