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gahh..

Posted by bellaroo , 31 January 2013 · 24 views

I am sooo stressed. Why does everyone think Im fragile? Or why do they say one thing and do another?...I just ask people to be honest and straight forward with me...is that so hard?

I wish life would be easier!!! I cant handle this all. bills are not getting paid because I have yet to get paid....FUCK!!!!!!!!! so angry...I feel like shit but of course i cant call in sick because I dont have the money to afford to do that.

Why do I keep remembering? sitting watching tv tonight a song came on and BOOOOM a flashback....I'm so tired of this shit I just want it all to end. I wish i could just talk about all this to someone other than my therapist...and just get it all of my chest..I wish i had the verbalization skills to do all that and to start a conversation. But no IM RUINED....I cant ask people for help, I cant do anything...I am so pathetic. I just hate all this I feel so pathetic, I dont want anyone to feel pity for me, thats why i dont ask for help with anything or talk about anything because people will think and feel pity for me and I dont need a pity party. my therapist told me that im doing great and that i need to keep doing what im doing, crying myself to sleep every night is not good...but maybe she sees something that i dont, who knows.

In a couple days it will be a month since alex has been gone, it just doesnt seem real...I was still planning on having a normal friendship with him. I miss him so much, such a great family he came from! fuck!!! then its valentines day!!! one more stupid holiday wasted...its nice that people can share the love with their spouse but, im tainted/ruined so i dont see things the way others do.



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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.